Ethiopia - here we come!

2012-02-07T17:57:00.000-06:00

I cannot stop thinking about her.

Doesn't she look older? That's what I think every time I see a new picture of her.

I'm having vivid dreams of doing her hair, getting her dressed, and watching her play with friends.

Instead I'm here - living a great life...but without my daughter. That's hard.

I picked Eli up from school today and talked to a fellow mom (who has also adopted) about our adoption. I suddenly found myself in a puddle of tears. It rarely happens that I show that much emotion in front of people. But there I was, in the hallway of Eli's school. Crying. Who am I?

Has my blog taken a somber turn? I feel like it has. Momentarily. I do know that I have a lot to be thankful for. Just ready for Ruthie to be home.

A few more pics from Ethiopia

2012-01-31T09:18:00.000-06:00

My friend took a few pictures of Ruthie and me in Ethiopia that I'm just now seeing. And now I'm posting them here. :)

Thank you, friend!

Ruthie with her special mother at the care center.

Can't wait to give this picture to M when I go back.

(Just to clarify, this is not Ruthie's birth mother. Each child has a "special mother" that takes care of them at the Gladney care center. This is Ruthie's, and was also Eli's when he was there in 2008. She's the sweetest.)

I just love her. Sometimes I put a guard up because I don't want to think about how hard this process is - but then there are times like this that I let the guard down and am overwhelmed by the love I have for Ruthie.

Cute snuggler.

Funny face. Cute face.

Have we cleared Embassy yet?

No?

Dang.

The weekend.

2012-01-30T00:02:00.001-06:00

I was texting Becca Friday morning and she mentioned we should come to Melawit's airport welcome, and that we could stay with them. I wrote back something like "We might take you up on that!"

I asked Becca later if she regretted offering us a place to stay. She said she didn't. They were great hosts and Eli and I had a great time. (Ben was out of town for work.) You should totally stay with them if you get the chance :)

A couple of hours later, I left my sister to finish painting the first coat of pink in Ruthie's room (Yes, I do have a great sister. She paints the room, while I go visit friends? She's too nice to me.) and Eli and I headed out on a last minute road trip.

Jennifer loved on Ruthie Mekdes for me a lot on her first trip to Ethiopia. Our girls slept in cribs next to each other in the Gladney Care Center. I played with Melawit a lot while I was in Ethiopia in December.

Ring around the rosie with Melawit, me and the nurse.

There is just a lot of love there.

I wish I had a cute picture to insert here of the new family of six. But I don't. But believe me, they're a cute family. I got to see Melawit on Saturday morning for a little bit. I showed her some pictures and video on my phone that I had taken while in Ethiopia. I showed her a picture of Ruthie M and asked her if she knew who it was. She looked at me, smiled and whispered "Mekdes". I wanted to burst into tears. So thankful for this connection. So glad that when Ruthie Mekdes comes home, she'll have a familiar face and a good friend that lives not too far away. So thankful that I got to be part of Melawit's airport welcome. Thankful for friends I've met along this adoption journey. Just so thankful.

Again

2012-01-25T15:06:00.001-06:00

We passed court! Again. I was able to go back and re-publish my old posts about my time in Ethiopia now that we've passed court and I can show Ruthie's cute face again.

We are so, so happy. But we also know that we have waiting ahead of us. We have to have our file submitted to the US Embassy in Ethiopia. That normally takes 6-8 weeks. Then we wait for our case to be cleared. We're hoping to have her home in March - but, let's be honest, that's best case scenario.

While we're waiting I'm in full on nesting mode. Full on. I have never felt like this before. Even while preparing to bring Eli home. I'm preparing rooms and finishing projects. It feels good.

You know what else feels good? Looking at this sweet face and knowing that I get to be her mommy.

Awesome hair.

When I was a young girl and dreamed about my kids, I used to pray that I would have kids with curly hair and dimples. It's amazing that God has answered such insignificant prayers.

She is cute - and so happy - in the midst of getting her hair fixed.

Sweet girl. Wish I could swoop her up out of that crib.

We feel really lucky to be Ruthie's family.

A big thanks to the Thomas family for snapping these pictures of Ruthie while they were in Ethiopia this month!

Not today.

2012-01-24T11:10:00.001-06:00

We didn't pass court today. However, the judge said she'll review our case again tomorrow. We are hopeful.

Meanwhile, I'm taking care of this little guy.

He got so, so sick last night. In the car and in bed.

The BRAT diet is in full effect here today.

*It should be noted that this picture was taken this morning. Eli's the best sick patient I've ever seen. Always happy. I told him last night that I was sorry he was so sick and he said "it's ok mommy. It's not your fault." He's not a perfect child, but sometimes he makes me think he is.

InstaFriday

2012-01-20T05:29:00.000-06:00

I like Instagram. Here are some pics I posted in the last week.

A lot of the day when I look down, this cute face is looking up at me. I love it.

He's just sweet. I take a lot of pictures of him when he's asleep...because he's just sweet.

Eli has been pretty obsessed with hygiene for as long as I can remember. We gave him his first deodorant and cologne two Christmases ago (we've since had to replace it several times - he goes through a lot). He loves to be clean and smell good. I walked into my bathroom the other day when he was getting ready for school and found him spraying cologne on his bicep and forearm. He told me the directions told him to do it. Ha ha! Eli makes me laugh every day.

Eli is happy almost all the time. Here he is in his cute hat that our friend, Lindsay, made. How cute, right? Despicable me is one of Eli's favorite movies.

The Morris family is actually featured on the Give1Save1 blog this week. You should check it out! And give a buck or two. They are bringing home a sweet little girl from The Congo!

Eli and I took a rare picture together while we were waiting in the drop off line at school on Thursday.

He looks too old in this picture. He's all kid - no baby.

We've been busy

2012-01-19T12:52:00.001-06:00

Thursday night, Ben fell through the ceiling while trying to move the cable outlet to another wall in the living room (per my request). I was putting Eli to bed when I heard a loud crash. I walked into the kitchen to find a big hole above the sink. And insulation on the counter and floor. And cabinet trim on the floor. And I started laughing.

Ben wasn't laughing. At least not at first. But then he did - because, really, what else can you do?

Fortunately, Ben wasn't seriously hurt. He had a few bruises and some soreness, but he was able to catch his fall by grabbing onto a rafter. However, his pride and our checking account did take a hit :)

Saturday morning, a guy come to repair the hole in the ceiling. And the cable guy came to move the cable outlet for us. After we rearranged the living room, we decided to start painting Ruthie's room. I walked into her room and Ben asked "Why are we making this room her room?", which launched us into a discussion about where we should put the kids rooms. Which ultimately led us to switching around every bedroom. Which made Ben regret asking that question in the first place. :) I am painting rooms (which I don't love. At all.) to get ready for Eli's new room and Ruthie's room. I Kilz'd Eli's new room first.

Do you see that? I took a picture of it right after I painted (on the left - looks ok, right?), and then came back a few hours later to check it and it looked like this (on the right). Unbelievable. I'm not a painter. (And have since discovered that I needed to stir the Kilz before painting with it. Details, details.) So, I now have to sand down the walls and re-Kilz. Which I'm dreading. I've been doing lots of other things to take up my time so that I can put painting on the back burner.

Like making these yarn wrapped letters for Valentines:

They took me a lotttttt longer than I thought they would. But I'm glad I did them, because I do like them.

And making these no-bake energy bites.

And going to Target.

And making a guest list for Ruthie's shower.

And now blogging.

I got some pictures of Ruthie M from this family. I could not be more grateful. They came on a day when I really needed them. So sweet of them to take the time to take pictures of our sweet girl! I wish I could share them. She is precious. And looks so much older than she did a short month ago. How is that possible that she's growing up so fast? My favorite picture is one of her in her crib with her hand in her mouth. Her hair is in puffs and she just has the sweetest expression. Love her. Ready for her to be home. So, so ready. Have I said that before?

Second Anniversary

2012-01-12T13:07:00.000-06:00

Remember when the devastating earthquake hit Haiti?

That was two years ago.

The Adventure Project is enabling the people of Haiti. They're creating jobs. They aren't your typical charity. They "want to end extreme poverty by creating one million jobs in developing countries within the next ten years."

Go check The Adventure Project out. If you click around on their webpage for even five minutes, you'll be able to see what they do. And I know you'll believe in what they're doing too.

Will you buy a stove to further the progress in Haiti?

(I'm not even apologizing for asking. Because it's so worth it.)

Go here to donate. $20 buys one stove.

Easy.

(It's even tax deductible!)

You can make someone feel like this.

Doesn't that make your heart happy?

Me too.

New Date

2012-01-12T08:21:00.000-06:00

We found out yesterday that the judge has made a decision to do something different than originally planned for our case. We are more than ok with this. But it does add a little more waiting.

We hope to pass court January 24th!

2012-01-11T05:02:00.000-06:00

This is just a picture of a little boy that's hiding in my closet, behind his dad's clothes, waiting to ambush his favorite person - his dad, of course - after work. (I was hiding with him.) We were just sitting there, waiting in the dark. I had my phone with me and took the picture in complete darkness. The flash went off and this picture popped up.

I haven't seen a sweeter face.

New court date

2012-01-10T17:01:00.000-06:00

We found out last week that we have a new court date - January 12th. I just forgot to post it here for people who are wondering. So we're hoping for news on Thursday. I'm realistically optimistic. I'd love to pass court on Thursday. But I also know that things aren't always so easy.

If you could say a little prayer for our case Wednesday night before you go to bed, it'd be much appreciated. Ethiopia is 9 hours ahead of us, so our case will most likely be decided while we sleep.

Much love to everyone on this journey with us. We are humbled and very, very grateful. You don't know how much your encouraging words mean to us during this time. We feel ok, and are living life as usual - but a big piece of our heart is in Ethiopia. We're anxious to bring that piece of our heart home.

Also,

a big shout out to Erin for the flowers! I don't know why I have such great friends that are so nice to me. But I do have great friends and they are so nice to me. I have definitely been all about myself and my situation in the past couple of weeks (months? years?) and you all have been so kind to listen.

Waiting

2012-01-06T09:59:00.000-06:00

I am not a complete mess. I am functioning. I'm sad, but also have a lot of happiness. I have a lot to be thankful for, but there's still something missing. Little Ruthie. I'm not crying in my closet or anything. Well, not every day. Maybe I did that one day for a little bit. But I'm really ok.

Ben had to go out of town for work for a little bit this week, so Eli and I went to my parents to stay. That's a weird thing. After my parents have lived out of the country for 5 years, I can now say "we're going to stay with my parents". It's not the first time we've been to their house since they've been back in the states. But it's the first time we've been there on a night other than the night before Thanksgiving. Eli got to be outdoors a lot (I mean, it was 66 degrees there yesterday. It's January!) and fish with my dad.

I realized how boring and unadventurous I am. It's something I've always known about myself, but it's magnified when Ben isn't around to entertain Eli outdoors. I walk around and say things like "hey. Why don't you pick up that rock and shoot it in your slingshot? Doesn't sound fun? Ok." Ben walks around and says things like "Hey! Look at this cool rock! Let's put it in your slingshot and see if we can shoot it at that tree! That'd be awesome!" while Eli starts jumping up and down excitedly, filled with enthusiasm with dad's genius plan. They definitely need each other.

We came home yesterday to find a couple of packages on our porch. My immediate future is filled with projects. A lot of them are to prepare for Ruthie. It's good for me to keep busy. I got this fabric and am hoping to turn it into bedding for Ruthie. Even though I've probably used my sewing machine less than 10 times. Why am I so ambitious about sewing and feel like I can do it? I'm hoping this won't be a complete disaster. I feel like if I do it, it will be a major success. I bought the fabric online for about a fifth of the price for what this etsy seller is asking for the bedding alone. And that includes enough fabric to make curtains as well.

If you don't see an after picture, you'll know I've failed.

This is how Eli wants to sit with me all the time. He pulls my arm across him and just wants to touch me. His love language. Since the summer, Eli has mentioned several times that I'm his girlfriend and that he wants to marry me. Over the past couple of days, it's all I've heard about. I know there will come a day when he doesn't even want to touch me, much less marry me (which is a good thing) but I'm enjoying it for now. A conversation yesterday:

Eli: I just want to live with you and daddy forever!

Me: No, you don't. We'll be your mommy and daddy forever (reassuring him because of a conversation we had the other night where he kept asking if he'll have another mom and dad someday, or if we'll always be his parents) and you can always come visit us, but you'll want to have your own family someday. Your wife won't want to live with us.

Yes she will, because you're going to be my wife!

I'm already married to daddy though. I can't be your wife.

Then you'll just have to be married twice! Because you're going to be my wife.

Last night, when I put him to bed, he was very affectionate. He often is, but he does stuff sometimes that makes me wonder what he's going to be like in his teenage years. Or if he's like me, when he has his first girlfriend (for me it was a boyfriend) in kindergarten.

I said "Eli, I sometimes wonder about you."

Why?

I just wonder if you're going to have lots of girlfriends.

I am. I mean, you'll always be my girlfriend, but I'm going to have lots of others too.

Oh boy. He makes me laugh, and keeps me on my toes. And I realize how much he's growing up. And growing up too fast, right? I'm so grateful for our little guy.

Can you believe how big he's getting?

I'm pretty dang lucky.

2012-01-04T08:46:00.000-06:00

I don't really know what to say. It's hard to share what's going on without sharing our daughter's story. I don't really want to share her story. I want that to be hers.

But thank you for the prayers and encouragement. We have lots of people standing with us, supporting us. We are grateful.

We don't really know what's going to happen. But I have a feeling it's just that we're taking the long road. And as hard as that is, we can do it. We've done it before. We truly believe that everyone involved is doing all that they can. Gladney is calling us every day to keep us in the know on our case. And they are advocating for us every day. They're also advocating for Ruthie's birth mother. We have no ill will towards Gladney - or towards the government system in Ethiopia. We believe that everyone is doing their best to ensure that our adoption is ethical. And to ensure that things are just. That's ultimately what we want. But it's hard to be in the fire. Waiting.

We love Ruthie, and if it takes another year to bring her home (Please Lord, don't let it take another year! I really don't think it will. But what do I know?) we'll wait. Because she's worth every second of waiting. And no matter what, we'll never stop loving her and praying for her.

Hugs.

Update.

2011-12-30T01:42:00.000-06:00

We found out this week that we didn't actually pass court December 14th.

What?

I know. That's what I said. And what everyone else involved said.

Today has involved a lot of heartache and tears. I thought the adoption process would be easier for us this time around.

It's not.

Little Ruthie M was on my mind an abnormal amount today. I mean, I think about her a lot - but today, I thought about her a ton. I posted a picture of the two of us on one of my many social media sites and said "Missing this sweet face today. A lot." A couple of hours later, we got the call that set me in a whirlwind of emotions.

Pray for our sweet little girl. And her birth family. And throw us in there too if you don't mind.

Eli Day #3

2011-12-22T20:42:00.000-06:00

Three years ago today, we met Eli Shikur for the first time. I knew I loved him then, but I couldn't even imagine how he would truly grow to be part of my heart. We are so very grateful for him. Grateful to his birth mother. Grateful to Gladney.

I told Eli last night that today would be "Eli Day!" and he got pretty excited. He said "I didn't know kids got to have their own day!"

I could go on and on about Eli. And if you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I often do go on and on about him.

He's happy. Almost all the time.

School picture 2011.

This is cropped from the class picture this year.

Class clown? Hmmmm.

He brings so much joy to our world every single day.

He tells me things like "did you hear that mom? They said on the commercial for that Wii game that it's for everyone! And they said to buy it now!" Advertising - it works.

Or out of the blue he walks up to me and says, "Mommy, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur."

Ben was reading him a book this week and pointed out that the boy had a sister. Kind of like Eli has a sister, Ruthie Mekdes. Eli said "oh, I know. I'm really in to girls."

He looked at me one day a month or so ago with a very serious look on his face and said "mom, I've got my eyes on you" while pointing two fingers to his eyes and then turning them to point at me. I died laughing, because that's not something he picked up from me. I asked him where he learned that and he said "Oh, Miss Kelly does that to me all the time at school." I asked if she did it to all the kids and he said "No. Just to me." Bless her. I'm thankful for Eli's teachers.

Of all the toys he has, he enjoys paper airplanes the most right now. So simple. Love it.

I told Eli he could pick where he wanted to eat for Eli day. Anywhere. He chose...a Hibachi grill.

Family of three. For three years.

Several times during the meal, he put his arm around me or Ben and said "I love you so much". He really is a joy to parent.

By 7:30 he was passed out in the back seat. Eli Day really wore him out.

Cute four year old.

I'm counting my blessings. There are many.

Ruthiepalooza!

2011-12-20T11:40:00.002-06:00

Some of my favorite pictures of Ruthie Mekdes that I haven't shared yet.

5 months old

13 months old

14 months old

15 months old

16 months old

Ethiopia - Part 2.

2011-12-19T09:24:00.002-06:00

Tuesday was another morning of visiting Ruthie M. It's hard to take pictures, because all the kids want whatever you have as soon as you pull it out of your bag or pocket - much like children everywhere. They love to play with cameras and video cameras. This is the only picture I took - and I took it while I was holding her.

Love those eyes and eyelashes. Sweet little profile.

We went to Entoto mountain that afternoon to the Addis Ababa Former Women Fuel wood Carriers Association Project (FWFCAP). They are associated with Connected In Hope. We were able to buy some scarves that were very reasonably priced. We were also able to see the operation a little bit and see how the scarves are made. Pretty amazing! You can buy from Connected In Hope online here.

That afternoon, Amy talked to Belay on the phone and he told her that I would get to meet Eli's birth mother on Wednesday. (On Monday he told me that they hadn't been able to locate her.) I immediately burst into tears. We weren't able to meet her on our previous trip to Ethiopia, and this has been a moment that I'd been anticipating for a long time.

Wednesday morning I woke up and felt like a bundle of nerves. Court and meeting Eli's birth mom. We passed court (praise Jesus!) and then went back to Gladney's office to meet Eli's birth mom. To say it was emotional would be an understatement. I tried to go into the meeting without any expectations. But, she was exactly what I thought she would be. Strong. Determined. So sweet. So loving. A beautiful soul. I am so grateful that I was able to meet her and talk to her. To say it was emotional would be an understatement. I asked to hug her at the end of our meeting (I know! Me! The awkward hugger!) and it was one of the sweetest moments of my life. So much emotion. We have so, so, so much love for her.

Thursday morning was my last visit with Ruthie M. As hard as this process has been, I felt like I'd been able to guard my heart a little bit. I don't know how healthy that's been, but it's felt necessary for surviving the every day. I walked into the yard at the care center and played with Ruthie as per usual. She'd play with me and then run around to do her own thing. Towards the end of the visit, I picked her up and started singing to her. She leaned her cheek to my face and snuggled up to me. I started sobbing. As much as I felt like I'd guarded my heart - I really hadn't. It was so hard to leave her.

I walked out to where the other families in my travel group were standing. Belay was there, so we were able to chat a little bit. I told him how much I appreciate him. I feel very grateful for the work he's done for Gladney. He really loves these kids so much.

We spent the afternoon touring the Holy Trinity Church with Belay. Such a rich history there, and Belay is a great tour guide.

Around 6:00 we headed to the airport to check in for our flight back home. I really wasn't ready to leave Ethiopia yet, and am already aching to go back. Hoping we hear about embassy soon - and that our case clears quickly so that we can start living as a family of four.

Ethiopia - Part 1

2011-12-17T17:01:00.002-06:00

After leaving here Friday morning, we arrived in DC around 5:30. We had an overnight layover in DC, so we (Amy and me) gathered our luggage and went to the hotel. My stomach was still upset from being sick the previous week, so we grabbed some soup at McAlisters - such an adventurous restaurant choice - and then went back to the hotel. The next morning, we left for the airport around 7:30. We got in the shuttle at the airport and met a couple from our travel group. After getting to the airport and checking in, we hung out for awhile. About an hour before our plane left, Amy and I went to the gate - where we met another couple in our travel group. Around 10AM we finally boarded the plane.

The 10:30AM flight out of DC was not my favorite. It was a little hard to sleep on the flight and we got to Ethiopia around 8 in the morning - which made for a little bit of a difficult transition. We were so tired we could hardly stay awake. Amy and I went to Kolfe and hung out with the boys there for a while. We went to lunch, and ended up back at the guest house at around 3PM. We both went in to take a nap, but ended up sleeping all afternoon and most of the night.

Monday was our first day to go visit Ruthie Mekdes at the care center. I woke up early, but didn't feel too nervous. I know this isn't considered a "bonding trip", so I had the mindset that I was going to just go play with the kids in RM's care center.

We got to the care center around 9:15 and I went to care center #1. I was a little confused on where I was supposed to be, but ended up seeing one of Eli's former caregivers there. I told her I was Shikur's mom and she and a few other Gladney workers got excited. I pulled out my phone and showed them some pictures of Eli. It was fun to be able to show them what he's doing now, and how happy he is.

After a few minutes, I walked over to Ruthie's house at the Gladney care center. I walked in and saw her immediately. A little girl came running up to me and gave me a hug. Ruthie followed shortly and gave me a big hug.

Our first picture:

I played with her for a second, but I have a feeling that Ruthie is a little bit independent. She definitely liked to give hugs, but also wanted to play with the other kids.

I quickly spotted Eli's "special mom" at Ruthie's care center. Each child has several caregivers, but they all have a "special mom". I got really emotional when I saw her, and started crying. I am so grateful for the love she gave Eli while he lived there. She walked up to me with tears in her eyes and said "Shikur?" Then she told me that she's also Ruthie's special mom. She hugged me and we were both crying.

I am so grateful to her. Grateful for the love she gave Eli, and grateful for the love she's giving Ruthie.

I played with Ruthie Mekdes and the other kids for a while. It was really sweet. I tried not to show Ruthie special attention, because I didn't want her to feel another loss when I had to leave. But there was one point where I was sitting on the ground, Melawit was playing with my hair and two or three other kids were climbing on me. Ruthie came walking over, with her left arm swinging back and forth (she walks with such purpose - pretty stinkin' cute!). She kind of put her arm between me and the closest child and elbowed her way in for a hug. Melt my heart.

Ruthie would come sit in my lap, or motion for me to hold her. But after a couple of minutes (or seconds) she'd be off again.

I can't even begin to tell you how loved these children are. The caregivers really love them, but the drivers and other Gladney workers love them too. The adults know all the kids and the kids are always being held and taken care of. The caregivers remember every child that's ever been there. When people found out I was Shikur's mom, there were social workers and caregivers that wanted to see pictures. These babies are so loved. So well taken care of. It doesn't seem like just a job - the caregivers really have a lot of love for the kids.

I'm so, so grateful.

We passed!

2011-12-17T06:49:00.002-06:00

Most everyone that reads this blog already knows - but just to document...we passed court on Wednesday! We are officially Ruthie Mekdes's family!

It was a really great trip. Very emotional, but loved every second!

The Soucys

2011-12-08T01:38:00.000-06:00

Several years ago, I started this blog. I really started it for my family who was spread out over the world, so they could keep up with our adoption. Slowly, I realized there is this whole adoption blogging community. I started to get to know people on the internet. And now, I have internet friends.

Jess is one of those internet friends. She was such an encouragement to me during our adoption process with Eli. After we brought Eli home, I got a card in the mail. It had a little pendant with Eli's name on it (that I wear almost every single day with my heart for Africa necklace) and the sweetest note. During this wait for Ruthie, Jess would send me a random email or facebook me to tell me that she was thinking of me - or that she couldn't wait to hear news of our referral. She was anxious with me and truly celebrated with me the day I texted her our news about Ruthie. She's the sweetest.

Now, the Soucys are going back to Ethiopia. They are in the process of adopting their third child. And this time they're raising funds for plane tickets. Because not only are they going, but they're taking their two sweet kiddos with them.

And now you're asking yourself "how can I help?" It's really easy! Go here and click on the donate button on the right. You can donate, which will also make you eligible for their raffle for a sweet hand made Ethiopian doll. It's only five dollars to enter the raffle. Which is practically nothing for most of you blog readers. Which means you should probably donate even more.

And if you happen to win this raffle and get this cute doll and think "I don't even have any kids. What am I going to do with this?" Let me just say, it would make a great baby gift. Kidding! Not really. No really, I'm kidding. You should want to keep this doll, just because she's so cute.

Click here! The drawing will take place December 12th!

Things I've learned in the last week

2011-12-07T23:31:00.000-06:00

Don't procrastinate. Because if you do, you will surely get sick. So sick that you can't leave the smallest room in your house to do anything else.

If you have a friend that's sick, don't ask if you can help. Just help. Show up with Saltines and Sprite and tell them you'd love to take their kid(s) for the day. I am so fortunate to have a sister that lives near me that I can (and do) call on any time. But not everyone has family nearby that can help.

I have wonderful, fabulous friends and family. I can't even count how many people have offered to watch Eli while I'm in Ethiopia. We have Eli covered, but it's so nice of people to offer - to know that we have backup. I have friends who have offered to make a meal for Ben and Eli while Ben is juggling single parenting and working the most stressful month of his job. Two families from our small group showed up at our house last night and brought me gifts for travel (kleenex, lip gloss, gum and a really nice gift card). They prayed with us and loved on us. I'm so, so, so, so grateful.

If you walk past a black hoodie in November and think "I should get one of those for Ethiopia. I know I'm going to need a light jacket." just buy it. Because otherwise you're running in and out of stores trying to find a plain black hoodie the week you're leaving. And no one has one then - unless you wear an extra small or extra large. Until you walk into Old Navy and finally see one! Only to unpack it later that night and find that it's labeled a "techno hoodie". "OK, like a dance club hoodie? What does that mean?" I think to myself. After reading the tag a little more closely I realize that the strings coming out of the hood are actually earphones, and there's a cord that comes out of the pocket to plug your ipod into. So I'm apparently going to be 14 in Ethiopia.

When I get really and truly stressed, I get fever blisters. This isn't really something new I've learned. But it's currently happening. I woke up yesterday with a tingle in my lip. Dang. I immediately called the nurse at my doctor's office who promptly called in a prescription for me (and said, "honey, you are having a hard time! You need to get well so you can get on that plane on Friday!" I've been in for one visit and had two phone calls for prescriptions in the last week. So grateful for my doctor and his nurse.)

I'm grateful that my sister (who always takes Eli when I need her to) borrowed my crock pot. Because it gave me the opportunity to walk into her house yesterday to pick it up and promptly burst into tears. Why yes, I am feeling a little emotional and overwhelmed.

I have an amazing husband. I can't say enough about him. Normally, when we're both stressed, I snap at him, he snaps back and then we're not communicating. For the past week and a half, Ben has taken care of me when I've been sick with the worst of the worst. I've snapped at him a few times and he's responded with "let me take care of it". Which makes me melt. I love him. So much.

I'm deficient in Vitamin D. Deficient enough that my internal medicine doctor called me yesterday to tell me that my blood work came back and he thought it was a problem. Of course, it's an easy fix - you just take vitamin d capsules. But he said "it will make you sick and very tired, sweetheart". Um, yes. Feeling both of those. I was on my way to Walgreens to pick up one of my many prescriptions (because in addition to being sick, I've also been getting medicine for travel) I've had called in in the last week anyway, so I picked up a bottle of Vitamin D as well. 2000 units a day - I'm looking forward to you making me feel better, Vitamin D.

I'm thankful for my travel buddy (and real life bf) Amy. So glad she's going with me to Ethiopia. So glad.

I have the very best friend. Who listened to me for 30 minutes straight yesterday and then said "you just have to focus on the task at hand. Don't worry that you haven't bought gifts for Eli and Ben for Christmas. Just focus on the next three days and seeing Ruthie" Such simple advice, and absolutely what I needed to hear. And when I finally allowed her to talk (because, you know, I was monopolizing the conversation with everything happening to me. Me, me me. It's all I can think about.) she told me about her Christmas party she hosted the night before. And how her basement flooded right before the party and the guys who were attending had to move all her furniture out to the garage and clean it up in their nice clothes. While her husband was still at the hospital because he ended up having to work late. And I thought to myself "good glory. I'm not the only one with things going on! Keep your mouth shut and keep moving." Because really - there are people that have more going on than I do.

If I've seen you at Target and said "hi!" while running past with no real conversation to speak of, because I'm throwing humanitarian aid into my cart and trying to check out before I have to pick Eli up from preschool - please don't be offended. If you've called or emailed about plans for Christmas or other events for this month or later in the year and I haven't responded - don't be offended. If you've just emailed me in general to say "hey, hope your trip goes well" and I haven't responded - don't be offended. Although I do want to chat, and I do want to plan Christmas and other trips, and I do appreciate you thinking of me. Just know - all I can focus on is the next two days.

Because in two days I finally get on that plane. And there's nothing else I can do. I get on the plane and am going to Ethiopia. Lunesta, take me away! And I get to see the sweetest little girl's face and just sit and play with her. And not think about presents and the busyness that comes with the Christmas season. I get to focus on family. And thankfulness. The things that this season should really be about.

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another.

John 1:16

I am feeling it. Feeling the blessings.

Frankincense and the dopinion.

2011-12-01T10:35:00.000-06:00

Eli was supposed to dress up as a character or aspect from the story of the birth of Christ for school today. I'm not very creative, so I asked Eli at dinner last night what he wanted to dress up as.

"A german shepherd!"

A little bit of confusion there. That's ok. Ben had a few suggestions. He told Eli he could wear a diaper and be baby Jesus. (Kidding) Eli said "no way! I'm not a baby!"

So, Ben came up with this.

And went to Walmart for the supplies and made the shirts. He's a good husband and creative.

Eli and his buddy, JD. Could they be any cuter?
I'm sure all the 4 year olds totally got it. :)

Also? I just got a call from Natalie. Today was our first court date. It's the day that Ruthie M's mom was scheduled to appear in court; and the day that MOWA would issue a favorable opinion, or request more information on our case. And as Eli would say, the "dopinion" was favorable! While I was really happy when Natalie told me the news, and I'm excited to be one step closer to bringing Ruthie M home - I'm also thinking of Ruthie's birthmother. I can't imagine the emotions she must be experiencing. I'm praying that she is feeling some sort of comfort today.

On December 14th, I'll appear in court in Ethiopia in hopes that the judge will approve our case. After that, we'll wait to be submitted to Embassy and wait for our appointment to bring our little girl home.

11 days until I hold our baby girl!

And, done.

2011-11-30T18:17:00.000-06:00

After my little whinefest about not getting anything done, I had a sudden burst of motivation. I was able to get quite a bit done. I still have things left to do - like get my humanitarian aid together, and do our online Gladney training. But I've definitely chipped away at the list.

The thing I dreaded the most was filling out the paperwork I need to take over for our embassy appointment. I don't know why I was dreading it so much. Maybe because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find our taxes. We (meaning Ben) found them though! And I'm so relieved that it's done now.

Just need a few signatures from Ben and I can stick the documents in the envelope.

Hallelujah.

We also got a cute little update on Ruthie M today from Gladney. My favorite line is "She is still the star of dancing in her room. But she dances whenever she wants to and feels like dancing. She is clear about what she needs."

Clear about what she needs? Does that mean bossy? Hilarious :)

Ruthie M

2011-11-26T15:54:00.000-06:00

I have written a handful of posts since my last post, but haven't published any of them. It's hard to articulate my feelings right now.

This is my general train of thought:

I absolutely can't wait to meet Ruthie. Can't wait. Can't stop thinking about her face.
I absolutely can't stand the thought of leaving Ruthie. Can't stand it. Can't imagine telling that sweet girl goodbye - not knowing when I'll be back.

And then when I start thinking about having to leave her, I feel weepy. How can I just leave? How can I return to my "normal" life while she's half a world away? I absolutely love Ben and Eli, and I know that I'll be ready to see them - but how do I leave my daughter? How do I come back and celebrate Christmas with our families without curling up in a ball in the corner because I'm overwhelmed with sadness?

I'm sure you can imagine. I'm reduced to a puddle of tears. It gives me a pit in my stomach.

So if you ask "Are you so excited to see Ruthie?" and I respond with a "yeah" followed by a few standard statements, and then quickly change the subject; it's not that I'm not happy to see her. I am. But as soon as I think about seeing her, I think about leaving her. And that makes me emotional, and I'm not a fan of getting emotional in front of people - because someone might try to hug me and I go stiff as a board when people try to hug me. Unless it's Ben. Or Eli. Or my parents. Or a handful of friends that are super comfortable with hugging. I know, I'm a weirdo.

I have a stack of paperwork that I need to get together before traveling. Copies of taxes that I need to somehow produce from the last 3 years (which are on our computer that crashed a couple of weeks ago). I have hardly even opened the door to Ruthie's room (translated: the junk room, but the room that will be Ruthie's room. I don't even have a bed in there for her yet.) I need to get my humanitarian aid together for the trip. Do the Gladney required online training. Figure out if I need shots. Actually read through the travel packet Gladney sent me a month and a half ago. Order contacts so I'm not blind while I'm in Ethiopia. Make a doctor's appointment so I can get any necessary meds for the trip. Get some things together for Eli's birthmother in case I'm able to meet up with her while in Ethiopia. Update certain paperwork for our dossier that is set to expire next month. Do all of my Christmas shopping - because I know I will have zero desire to do it when I get home.

It feels overwhelming - and emotionally draining. And when I feel overwhelmed, I have a tendency to shut down. There are e-mail's from people that I need to answer. Lots of things that I absolutely have to do before I can board the plane to Ethiopia. I can't seem to find the time to call to order contacts, but I have read two books in the past week.

Yes. That's me. The avoider.

I leave in 13 days. I can't wait. I can't wait to get there.

I just don't want to leave without her.

And this is where I would post a picture of her for you if I could. Because this is when I minimize all the windows on my laptop and look at her face on my screen. And I think "I can do this. She has been through so much more emotionally in her short 16 months of life than I have been through in 32 years. I can do this. She is absolutely worth it."

Updates

2011-11-09T21:40:00.000-06:00

Eli had his first trip to the dentist today. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to take your child when they turn 3...but we waited until he was 4. I'm a procrastinator.

How cute is he? He kept his hands up on the little armrests and just tapped his hands while they worked.

I might have teared up. I just can't believe how big he's getting.

Also, I've had a pretty emotional week. Because I have a daughter half a world away. This week, we have had several updates on Ruthie M. Gladney sent us our monthly update. And my friend is in Ethiopia now, loving on her own daughter - but also taking the time to love on Ruthie M. I am so grateful. I have loved getting a better glimpse of her personality.

"She's a really good dancer."

Love that. I can see she and Eli having dance parties together. Can't wait.

"She is silly and has a funny little way she scrunches her nose up when she smiles and is happy."

Can you imagine? I can hardly stand it.

"She loves to be held, and fix your hair, and to watch the kids play. I have a feeling she will be kept in stitches by watching Eli."

Am I really lucky enough to have another snuggler? And I know I might be living in a bit of a dream world - but I really do feel like Eli and Ruthie will get along. I'm not saying they won't have the typical sibling issues. But I think that they'll love having each other. Right?

"...she is worth the wait."

Absolutely. Absolutely worth it.

The cutest face

2011-11-06T09:02:00.000-06:00

Often, when I'm talking to Eli, I'll look at him and say "you have the cutest face I've ever seen."

Today, I was sitting at the table eating breakfast when Eli walked up to ask me a question.

His face looked similar to this.

I said "Eli, you have the cutest-"

and was interrupted with this

"face I've ever seen"

This is his "venom from spiderman" face. We are very into superheroes right now.

On another note, I experienced my first earthquake last night. Crazy, right? We get tornados, but not typically earthquakes. I was asleep when it happened. I barely woke up. But did feel the whole house shaking and thought "we must be having an earthquake". And then rolled over and started to fall back asleep. Ben walked into our room (he was still up watching football) and said "We just had an earthquake! Did you feel that? The upstairs was shaking like crazy!"

He said I responded with "yeah. That was freaky."

I'm a heavy sleeper. Obviously.

Halloween

2011-11-01T17:08:00.000-05:00

To document Halloween 2011.

Eli was Spiderman. This costume was handed down to him from his cousin. And is about 3 or 4 sizes too big. But Eli didn't care.

He was also Bumble Bee (the transformer).

He's not a fan of masks.

He is a fan of showing off his muscles. Can you tell?

Thanks to Sarah and Emily for documenting the costumes.

I must get a camera.

An American

2011-10-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

Eli and I had to go to the mall yesterday to get some new shoes for him. As we were walking past Baby Gap, I decided to pop in to peruse the girls clothes.

Eli walked over to a display of clothes - most were red in anticipation for the holidays.

Eli said "I'm going to be an American!"

I laughed and said "You are?"

Eli: "Yep!"

Me: "What does that mean exactly?"

Eli: "You just stand here like this!"

He stood by the display of clothes, which were mostly red. He put his arms straight down to his side and stared straight ahead.

Me: "Hmmm. That's interesting. Why do Americans do that?"

I was thinking maybe he was trying to be a soldier.

Eli: "I don't know. That's what this kid is doing."

He then pointed over his shoulder to a mannequin on display.

Me: "Oh! You mean a mannequin. You want to be a mannequin."

Eli: "Oh! Right! A mannequin!"

It made me laugh. And everyone else in the store. Eli doesn't really speak quietly, so everyone in the vicinity heard.

On another very exciting note, I leave for Ethiopia in 6 weeks, 21 hours, 25 minutes and 56 seconds. But who's counting, right?

December

2011-10-25T16:13:00.000-05:00

Three years ago, we spent a week in December in Ethiopia. Looks like I'll be doing that again this year.

We just got a court date! December 14th!

Saturday. The Birthday.

2011-10-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

Eli woke up around 6:45 on Saturday morning, his birthday. He climbed into bed with us. "Is today my birthday?"

Yep. Today's your birthday.

Then I heard him silently chant, "E-li! E-li! E-li! E-li!"

Hilarious. He was pretty excited.

We laid in bed and talked about how 4 years ago he was born in a hospital in Addis. He asked if L was there. I told him yes. He asked if we were there. I told him no. I told him we didn't know about him just yet, but that we were praying for the little boy or girl who would be our child one day.

Here is the first picture of Eli as a 4 year old.

And here he is with his "birthday cake". I asked him if he wanted a cake or cookies or brownies for his birthday. He requested cookies that everyone could decorate themselves. Um, okay.

Thanks for being so easy to please, Eli.

He spent the day with family. We had lunch together, decorated cookies, sang happy birthday and opened gifts. Then he didn't stop moving until around 11:30PM. He fished and played all day long at my parents house.

He got his very own fishing pole. He was excited about it.

But, he was excited about all of his gifts. After he finished opening all his gifts, he looked around the room and said "You all are so polite!"

Ben taught him how to put a swivel and a hook on his line.

I didn't know what a swivel was until this week.

I learn a lot being married to Ben.

And I love moments like these. When I look over and see Eli snuggled into Ben while Ben is showing him how to do something. Or just spending time with him. I get to see a lot of these moments. If Ben is near, Eli is snuggling into him.

We officially have a 4 year old.

And he's started beatboxing this weekend.

Four

2011-10-22T06:26:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe that this sweet little baby

is now four.

How did that happen so fast?

He is a funny kid, and makes me laugh daily.

I find him at the table doing things like this

underwear on his head

He asks, almost daily, if he can "please, please, please take breakdancing lessons?"

He says things to me like "I like the 'Go Pokes' team, but OU is more impressive."

Or, while walking through Sears and spotting a row of treadmills he asks "Is it appropriate to have these exercise machines in here?"

He is pretty independent. He is a shower taking, teeth brushing, deodorant and cologne wearing, little man. And keeps up with this routine on his own - every morning. He likes to be clean. I hope and pray that this continues throughout the teenage years.

He's my personal trainer and motivator. He asks me daily if I'm ready to go to the gym. And if I'm being honest, he whines until I do get up the motivation to go. So we've been going to the gym pretty regularly lately. I often find him randomly doing his own workouts that he's made up. He's very into exercise. I'm not sure how that happened in this house.

Recently, we were getting ready for a weekend trip to my parents. Eli went to his room to get dressed and returned completely packed and ready to go. He didn't forget anything and even filled his backpack with snacks. Mr. Independent.

Although independent by day, he still crawls into bed with us every single night. He's a snuggler. And tells me that when Ruthie comes home, the two of them are going to sleep in a tent in our bedroom every single night.

He loves to ride his bike. But if you've happened upon this blog in recent history, you already know that.

He likes to fish, and has even learned to cast his own line. (Is that the proper terminology? I'm not up on my fishing lingo.) Because, you know, he's a "country boy".

Also, being a country boy, he almost exclusively uses the bathroom outside. Even when it's 40 something degrees outside. TMI?

He makes friends easily. This week he gravitated toward some older boys (which is the norm when Eli chooses a playmate) at the play place at the mall.

After watching Eli play with the kids for a few minutes, I walked over to their mom to chat. She appeared Ethiopian to me, but after asking she told me she is actually Eritrean. Her 7 year old walked over to us and I talked to him for a second. His mom asked if he knew Eli's name and he said no. He then asked Eli his name to which he responded "Eli Shikur". The boy laughed and said "Shikur? You sound like you're Eritrean!" Eli proudly claimed that he was actually born "in Africa. In Ethiopia in Africa." They excitedly ran to play together with the 7 year old's brother and sister. I heard Eli proudly tell the other kids that he has a sister in Ethiopia. And that her name is Ruthie M.

He's proud to be a big brother. And often asks if he can "hug Ruthie"

And, certainly not least of all, he loves his dad. If Ben does it, Eli wants to do it as well.

Never far from our minds is L, Eli's first mom, who gave birth to him on this day four years ago. I hope and pray that she has some sort of peace today.

Happiest of Birthdays to you Eli. We are so proud to be your parents, and are lucky to be part of your life.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-20T09:09:00.000-05:00

Eli looooves the pumpkin patch. He has loved it since he was a wee one. We even celebrated his second birthday (his first birthday with us) there.

Did you click on the link to his second birthday? Eli is such a little munch there. It's hard to believe he's almost FOUR!

On Monday, we went to the pumpkin patch with one of our playgroups. They are normally closed on Mondays, but they'll open for a large group with reservations. As you can see below, we have a pretty large group. :)

Eli went into the barn where the owner was and asked "Will you please take us on a hay ride?"
I walked over as they were walking out and she told me what he had said. She complimented me on how polite he was and then said something like "You all have been coming here for a couple of years haven't you? I remember him. You have a sweet boy. You are a very lucky momma." I can't even tell you how happy that made me. It's so nice when people get that we are the lucky ones.

Eli is a big fan of the rope swing. He told me he was going to ask Ben to put one in our backyard.

This is one of Eli's best friends. He requested I take a picture of him and JD.

Pure joy with his buddy.

Then I requested that Eli take a picture with me and it turned out like this. (This was the best of the several we took)

Eli's always a lot happier if he's the one that wants the picture taken.
Stinker.

Eli also announced to me this weekend (after two days of fishing) "Mom, I'm a country boy!" This sweet little boy of three years old makes me laugh. A lot.

The one foot wheelie

2011-10-14T09:37:00.000-05:00

Eli's favorite new trick

About Ruthie

2011-10-13T00:35:00.002-05:00

We are still over the moon about Ruthie. I mean, we'll always be over the moon about her. But I know that soon the euphoria of knowing who our child is will clash with the deep ache to hold her. We're loving sharing our news. But then people say, "Tell me all about her!"

And this is what I know.

1. Her name is Ruthie M.

2. She's 15 months old.

3. She's walking.

4. She has three teeth on the top and two on the bottom. And it makes her smile so stinking cute.

5. She has curly hair. Love it.

6. She has beautiful brown eyes with the longest eyelashes.

7. She's not a fan of strangers.

8. It looks like she's bowlegged. Which is incredibly cute.

9. She's a chunk-of-love.

10. We love her.

And that's about all I know. And it makes me sad. I only know a handful of things about my 15 month old little girl.

I can't wait to know all about her. Does she giggle when she's happy? Does she squeal? What is her personality like? Is she easy going or high maintenance? Does she like to get into everything or sit and play with toys. Does she like dolls? Does she have a favorite blanket? Does she wake up ready to go? Or does she need a little time to wake up? What does she look like when she walks?

There are so many things that we don't know about her. About her personality. Right now, I am starting to feel a little anxious. Anxious to know her and start loving on her.

We are ready for you baby girl.

Birthday(s)

2011-10-03T22:29:00.002-05:00

Today is Ben's birthday.

He's a good dad. Today in the car we were just driving down the road when Eli suddenly said "I want to be just like dad." I asked him why, and he said "because he teaches me good things and he does fun things with me".

Happy Birthday, Babe!

We are also celebrating sweet little Ruthie. She turns 15 months today. Wish we could kiss and squeeze her today. We can't wait to love on her.

Bullet points.

2011-10-02T22:35:00.000-05:00

We have decided on a name. Ruthie. It's hard to pick a name! But we love it. And we think she's a Ruthie. Her Ethiopian name will be her middle name. Eli told us he's going to call her M (her Ethiopian name). Eli? Has an opinion? Shock. :) I told him he was more than welcome to call her M or Ruthie. I still call Eli "Shi-Shi" or "Shikur" a lot. So I'm sure we'll call her both names.

I feel so honored that so many people are celebrating our little girl with us. Every comment, email, facebook post, text, phone call is much, much appreciated. (Although, I still have 15ish voice mails that I still need to listen to. I'll get back to you. Promise.)

Thursday, several of my friends met for lunch and had a little celebration for Ruthie. (And I forgot to take a picture!!) It is so fun to be with people who love you and love your future child. People who are excited and go on and on about her. Doesn't that make you love your friends even more? Thanks to Amy, Cari, Courtney, Emily, Erin, Kinsey and Sherry. Ruthie is now the proud owner of Rahel, pajamas, several bows, and a couple of stuffed animals from her Grandma W. And a framed picture of herself. Ben is so glad. I'm bad about getting stuff like that done. He's happy to have a picture of Ruthie in our home. So am I.

Eli is so happy about Ruthie. When we first found out he was going to have a sister, I asked him what he thought and he said "I really wanted to have a brother, but I guess a sister's ok". I think it's more than ok now. He asks to see her picture on the computer and hugs the computer and says things like "I love you, Ruthie! I'll be your big brother. Our parents are coming to get you!" He tells most people he sees that he "has a little sister named M, she lives in Ethiopia." I can't wait to see Eli as a big brother.
We already know of two different people that have visited the Gladney Care Center and taken pictures and video of our daughter. I'm so grateful for every little glimpse I can catch of her. So far, we've heard that she isn't a big fan of strangers. She clings to her caregivers. Sounds like another child of ours. I'm already trying to prepare myself - emotionally - for our transition. I know it won't necessarily be easy. But I'm so glad she's bonding and attaching to her caregivers. I know that's best in the long term. We love her so much. We can't wait to have her home.
Speaking of home. People keep asking me when that will happen. Great question. We really have no timeline. Court reopens in Ethiopia (after being closed for the rainy season) on October 12th. At that time, our paperwork should be ready to be submitted for a court date. We'll wait, probably at least 2 months, to hear of a court date. After passing court, we'll have to wait for an embassy appointment. Once we're cleared with embassy, we will bring her home! In my mind, I have the timeline at about 6ish months. I hope that's about right. Or less than 6 months. I'll take that too.
I'm loving picking out things for Ruthie's room. I have lots of projects I want to take on. It'll keep me busy (while Eli's sleeping) and I can pray for her while I work. It's fun to browse pinterest for ideas. This is the general look I think I'm wanting.

Source

I also need to finish Eli's room. Glory. It's taken a long time.
Are you still following my rambling?
This is the most important. And makes me teary every single time I think about it.

For more than a year now, I've been praying for our child. Almost every night when I pray with Eli, we'd pray for his little brother or sister. We'd pray that he/she was healthy and happy. That he/she laughed today. That he/she has friends to play with and feel connected to. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know that I've had the "referral guessing game" three different times. One time, Jennifer (who I met at Idea Camp in February) guessed a date and said something like "i think it's going to be the girl with M (her daughter) in the picture!" I really didn't pay much attention to it. Nor did I see the picture. When we got our referral on Monday, I texted Ruthie's picture to her and she immediately called me. She sounded teary and excited and said "that's her! That's the girl with M in the picture! Everyone asks about her and asks if she has a family already!" That was the first time I got teary. I got the chills. I couldn't believe it! She sent me the picture of her daughter with our M in the background with a huge smile on her face. Precious. Today, there is a group of people from Jennifer's area that are in Ethiopia. One of the girls traveling offered to take pictures and/or video of our Ruthie M while she was there. Today, I received a video. It's a video of Ruthie M and Jennifer's daughter, M, standing in a crib together. Ruthie looks a little bit overwhelmed. Her bottom lip is sticking out and she is whimpering. M looks at her so sweetly and offers her stuffed animal to her for comfort. Watching it made me so emotional. I felt like I was watching prayers being answered right before my eyes. The prayers that I'd prayed for our Ruthie. Prayers that she would have a friend that would take care of her and make her happy - were being fulfilled in M. Ruthie is definitely an answer to prayer - but so is M. I'm so grateful that such a sweet heart has become an older sister figure to our daughter. And the best part? They'll only be living 3ish hours from each other once they're both home in the states. Truly amazing.

The call.

2011-09-28T21:23:00.001-05:00

So Eli and I had a pretty uneventful Monday morning. We went to the gym. The recycling center. Lowe's and then to Target. We were walking through Target when my phone rang.

An 817 number.

A handful of 817 numbers have called me during this wait. And I've convinced myself every time that it was "the call". This time, I looked at my phone and was convinced that it wasn't Gladney. And if it was Gladney they surely weren't calling with our referral.

Hello?

Natalie: Is this Rebecca?

Yes.

I can't even convey how unemotional I was. I was still convinced that this wasn't the call.

N: This is Natalie.

Hi, Natalie.

Still not convinced.

N: I have good news for you!

Oh, is this the call? Really? This is it? It doesn't feel real. I'm in Target shopping right now. I'm not by a computer. Um, Ben's at work. I need to call you back. But can you tell me if it's a boy or a girl and how old they are?

N: It's a girl and she's 14 months old!

Ok, um, I'll call you back. I need to find Ben.

It was surreal. I, sadly, have had to detach a little bit from this process. I was in a hard place a little bit ago from the wait, and decided to just focus on my current life instead of the life I hope to have with another child. I knew the future would come soon enough, but I had to stop dwelling on the grueling wait.

So, I went to the front to pay for my groceries. I was standing behind a guy and I remember thinking, "you should be letting me go ahead of you. I have an important phone call to get to!" But I waited patiently.

I texted a couple of friends. I called two of my friends before realizing that I hadn't called Ben yet. I called, he didn't answer. I texted him.

We paid for our groceries. Eli and I got in the car. I started out of the parking lot and Ben called. I told him that we got the call and we needed to call Natalie back. He told me he was out of town - about an hour and a half away. We decided to do the call separately. Again.

I talked to Amy. She was going to come take pictures of the big moment. While talking to her I realized that I hadn't told Ben that we were referred a girl. I don't even know what I told him other than that we were getting the call! I told her I needed to call him back. My mind was all over the place!

I got home and showered and got dressed. Because you apparently need to shower before receiving news about your child? It was so weird. I was so calm. I could hardly focus on anything, but I wasn't going 100 miles a minute. I was just kind of standing there. Trying to figure out what to do next.

We finally got everything settled. I called Natalie. She called Ben to conference him in. And we got to hear all about our sweet little girl.

Adoption is a mixed bag of emotions. Listening to your child's story is hard. No matter what. There is always some sort of sadness involved. But we were also excited to finally be getting the call, and knowing who we have the privilege to love and parent. I shed some joyful tears, but also tears of sadness over what she has already had to experience.

We love her. I mean, love her. I can't express that enough.

Ben got home that evening and we looked through pictures. It was fun to pick out our favorites. My favorite is one of her with a big smile on her face. She has three teeth on top and two on bottom. Hair pulled back. Eyes wide open with the longest eyelashes you've ever seen. She's adorable. And looks so happy. Ben's favorite is the one where she's standing in a little dress, peering up. Her hair is curly and flowing freely and she has the most innocent little grin.

Eli is excited. He grabbed my phone this evening and said "Aw, look at M! She is so cute! I can't wait for her to come live with us!"

We hear she likes to dance. I think she's probably a ham. Can you even imagine? She and Eli together? It's going to be a lively house.

We can't wait.

And I so wish I could share her picture and name and birthday...but I can't. Not until the adoption is finalized. But, trust me. She is pretty sweet. I showed her picture to someone and they said "Holy Eyelashes!" It's true. The longest eyelashes you've ever seen!

It's big news

2011-09-26T18:30:00.006-05:00

It's a GIRL!!!

She has beautiful brown eyes and the longest eyelashes.
She's 14 months old and we are in love!

Details coming soon!

These two.

2011-09-22T13:54:00.000-05:00

They're best buddies.

X Games

2011-09-12T08:50:00.000-05:00

Eli loves to watch things like the X Games. He likes bikes and skateboards and any sort of tricks they can do on them.

Eli's been riding his bike, training wheel free, since the spring. The good (or bad?) thing about learning to ride so young, is you probably have very little fear at 3 years old. Within his first few weeks of riding, he was going on a ramp.

Last weekend, when we were at Grandpa A's, I came outside to get the boys for dinner and Eli was doing this.

He has some serious balancing skills.

This past weekend, Ben texted me this picture.

Standing up on the bar?
Crazy.

We were watching America's Funniest Home Videos last night (a Sunday night ritual) and there was a guy sitting on his handlebars, riding backwards, playing the ukulele.

I looked at Eli and could see his wheels turning.

"Can you do that dad?"

Ben told him he didn't know. He'd never thought to try it before.

I told them both that the guy was on AFV because he actually wrecked his bike.
I have a feeling someone around here is still going to try it.

Free time

2011-09-08T17:14:00.000-05:00

Free time. I've been trying to make the most of it. By keeping myself busy.

In the past week or so I've painted a dresser for Eli.

From this:

To this.

I've never painted a piece of furniture before. But I kept hearing about Annie Sloan's Chalk Paint on blogs. Have you heard of it? It's not chalkboard paint. It's chalk paint. The amazing thing about it is you don't have to sand the wood furniture before painting. That has always been the intimidation factor for me in painting furniture. This paint made it SO easy. And now Eli has another touch of red in his room.

I also finished the sling chair I had started making Eli in July. I used Ana White's tutorial for the kid's sling chair.

Horrible quality pictures. But a cute boy. And he loves his chair. He sat in it and said "I'm going to take this with me to the beach!" Poor guy has never been to the beach. Maybe we'll make that happen soon.

And then I saw this bag online.

It reminded me of Amy and I thought I could make one like it for her birthday gift. I don't know why I thought I could make it. I just got my first sewing machine for Mother's Day this year. I mean, I vaguely remember sewing in high school in home ec. But not since then. In fact, up until a couple of years ago, I paid my niece to sew any missing buttons on my clothes. But I decided a few months ago that I was going to learn how to sew. At least a little bit.

I ended up with this.

There are lots of issues with it. But I did it. And it at least looks halfway decent in the picture.
And hopefully Amy can use it for a little bit before it falls apart.

Oh, and I also made this pillow.

It was made from my great grandmother's bedspread that I've had for several years now. They've just been hanging in a closet. They were my mother's grandmothers. I love the vintage chenille.

I told Ben the other day, "The good thing about the internet, is it makes me feel like I can make anything. The bad thing about the internet, is it makes me feel like I can make anything." And this post is not me begging for you to compliment my projects. It's just been fun. Discovering this new side of me. It's been filling up my free time and making me feel a little bit productive.

And now maybe you feel like you can make anything! Or you may have already thought that. Like me. :)

Is anyone else tired of my iphone pictures? Our camera is broken, so it's my only form of picture documentation. The graininess is driving me crazy.

Update

2011-09-07T00:56:00.000-05:00

We had our homestudy update last night. A few minutes before Andrea came over, I told Eli to go change his clothes. He came back in this:

He sure is cute.

The Weekend.

2011-09-06T15:23:00.000-05:00

The thing about these "waiting this many months posts" is that I normally do them ahead of time. And then schedule them for our monthly waiting anniversary date. When I did this 16 months waiting post, I was pretty bummed. And it was late at night. Late at night + bummed = depressing post. I wrote it and scheduled it - and forgot about it.

On our actual 16 months waiting anniversary, we were in the boondocks. With Ben's grandpa. And no cell phone reception. Ben and Eli went fishing.

And I read an entire book (highly recommend the book) in less than 24 hours and then rode the 4 wheeler with Ben and Eli. A pretty perfect day.

Silly faces. Per Eli's request.

It was actually a fun day. And, honestly, I didn't even know what the date was. I have a tendency to not look at the calendar on long vacation weekends.

It wasn't until we headed back to town that evening and I hit a spot of cell reception and my phone started dinging with emails, voicemails, and texts that I realized it was our 16 months of waiting anniversary. All the encouragement is much, much appreciated. It reminded me that we've officially been waiting 16 months - but that we have a whole community of people that are rallying around us and giving us lots of support. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

That's not to say that even though I didn't realize it was our 16 month anniversary, that we didn't think about you Baby Winter. We think about you all the time. Like when Eli says suddenly in the backseat "I wish we had two kids in our family like Silas and Olive". Or when Eli and Ben came back from fishing and Eli tells me "Dad and I rode this 4 wheeler and my brother and Pluto rode that 4 wheeler." Or when all three of us are on the 4 wheeler going for a ride and I think back to when it was just Ben and me, wishing for Eli to join us. And how next summer I hope that we need to use the other 4 wheeler because we'll be a family of four. You're never far from our thoughts. We think about you no matter what we're doing. And we are ready to see your face.

16

2011-09-04T02:16:00.006-05:00

I have a lot to say about waiting 16 months, but I'm not going to say much. I've experienced quite the range of emotions - and hardly any of those have anything to do with peace.

This is hard. Unbelievably hard.

First day of preschool

2011-08-31T11:02:00.000-05:00

Eli had his first day of preschool yesterday. This is the year where you just let them out of the car in the line. Where teachers are waiting on them to direct them to their room. I mean, I don't even get out of the car to walk him up.

Is this really happening to me? It's too soon!

Eli had to take an early picture with Ben because Ben had an early morning.

Not surprisingly, Eli was already showered and dressed for the day.

First day of preschool!

(I learned a little from last year and framed the picture a little better)

Eli wanted to take a picture together outside of school.

He really is the sweetest.

I am making an appearance on the blog. I don't really like doing that much.

I would say this is Eli getting ready to walk in the door. But if you thought about the picture, you'd notice he doesn't have his bag. What actually happened is I took him inside to his classroom and he said "Mom, you didn't even take a picture of me outside!" So we went back outside to take this picture. Thanks for reminding me, Eli.

When I picked Eli up from school he said "Mom! We didn't even have to take a nap today!" He was pretty excited about it. He's still a napper at home. I asked him if he thought he'd fall asleep on the way home. "Nope."

We went out to one of his favorite places after school for a treat. Ben gave him a dollar in the morning for said treat.

He picked a Jones soda. Bubblegum flavor.

He couldn't stop talking about school. He loves it. He has some old friends in his class, and also made new friends.

His favorite part was playing on the playground.

He also told me about two boys that were fighting over the steering wheel on the playground equipment.

"They were fighting and pushing and talking about traps in their eyes! I ran up to them and said 'Everybody STOP! Calm Down!'"

(Eli was very animated, telling me about the situation - putting his hands up, his eyes opening wide)

Hilarious.

About five minutes from our house, Eli said "I'm just going to sleep on the way home." We pulled in the garage, I carried him to his bed, and he slept for an hour and a half before I finally woke him up at 4:30.

Ben was out of town last night, so I chatted with him late last night and told him about the day. We love Eli. I mean, love him. We talked about Eli and laughed about the funny things he said. We talked about how quickly he seems to be turning into a little man. We both feel really, really lucky and blessed to be his parents.

It was a full day. And Eli thought it was a pretty fun day.

And it's happening - this whole growing up thing.

Insta-Weekend

2011-08-29T08:19:00.001-05:00

The biggest cantaloupe of the summer from our garden.

Saturday morning run. Eli has been begging to go run with us "as a family" since seeing the commercial on Disney with the family that runs together.

He lasted maybe a half mile, and was then ready to ride his bike.

Still waiting.

2011-08-19T08:09:00.003-05:00

For those who are wondering, we're still waiting.

15 months and 15 days.

I get pretty down at some point just about every day. I've been practicing avoidance as a way to cope. I rarely answer my phone. Or a text. Or email. Avoiding people. Ben had to go out of town last weekend, so Eli and I went to my parents new house and stayed until Tuesday. It's close to water and I spent some time outside on the back porch. Looking at water. Trying to forget what day it was so I wouldn't have to think about the wait. I focus on myself a lot during this wait - which is when I get down.

I am noticing that my foot kind of looks like a ham hock here. It is what it is, I guess.

Focusing on myself is not good for me. Is it good for anyone else?

The reality is, we have a child on the other side of the world too. Is he/she ok? Is our child surrounded by love and encouragement and stimulation? At night when they go to bed, are they crying? Or are they ok? Do they have friends to play with?

And our hearts are broken for those affected by the drought in the Horn of Africa. In a place where our child is living. Where Eli has lived. Where Eli's family members (which we consider our family) live. It's heartbreaking.

Donate here. Or find another organization you like and donate.

A friend called me one day during the wait and so sweetly asked if I was doing ok. I said "Well, I woke up this morning, had breakfast with Eli, went to the gym, went to the park with Eli, ate lunch, and now Eli is napping. My life is just so hard." (Sarcasm in that last sentence? Yes.) Because the truth is, I don't have problems. I have an easy life. One filled with entertainment, full tummies, and needs taken care of.

We long to add to our family. And it's hard to wait on our babies. But I have to trust that it will happen when it's supposed to happen.

And really, when Eli is yelling at me at 9:30 at night from his room and I run back to find this

Lying in bed when he felt the urge to go to the bathroom (and apparently needed protection for his head). He was requesting help with the post bathroom "clean up".

I can't help but laugh. And be grateful for my life.

But we still can't wait to meet you little Winter.

15

2011-08-04T01:39:00.001-05:00

15 months.

We're in the window!

Again.

We really are expecting the call this month. When we had our conference call with Gladney last month, they said that the average wait time is now 15 - 15.5 months depending on your age range. So we're really in the window now.

We're looking forward to seeing our baby's face in August!

Swimming

2011-08-03T09:30:00.000-05:00

I know I'm posting a lot of swimming pictures lately, but when it's 105+ degrees every day it's about all you can do. And to be honest, it's even too hot to swim most days.

We went to a birthday party last night for one of our friends. It was from 8-10 and Eli thought he was pretty major for staying up so late.

Eli is officially a swimmer, but still wants to wear his life jacket almost every day. He normally starts out with his life jacket on when we get to the pool, and then sheds it after 30 minutes or so.

Last night he got really brave. He went off the diving board

and off the slide

The slide was so fast. I thought he'd be too scared to do it again after he went down so fast the first time. He wasn't scared. He did it over and over and over and over again.

At about 9:30 last night, we sat down to eat some birthday cupcakes. We were sitting on a lounge chair together when Eli turns around with icing (intentionally put) all over his lips

"Mommy, I just wanna smooch you. Just give me a little smooch. Just a little one!"

His little sense of humor cracks me up.

girls

2011-07-28T08:19:00.000-05:00

We had a little movie night last night. Eli, of course, chose Despicable Me. During the movie, he told me Agnes was his favorite. "Agnes is so funny. She is soooo cute." Then, lost in the thought, he quietly said "I like all the girls."

"In the movie?"

"No. In the whole world."

"This is how the boys wear their hats while the girls watch them dance."

- Eli

Oh boy.

Trouble.

The flat tire(s)

2011-07-27T07:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had a babysitter for the morning because I had to get my hair done. I went to my appointment, and on the way back home thought "I told her (the babysitter) I'd be home around 1 and it's noon. I could run by that flea market really fast to see if I could find a dresser for Eli's room!" I exited and started driving in the direction of my destination. I kept looking at my hair in my visor mirror, because I'm starting the path back to being brunette. Shallow, I know, but I kept looking at my hair - trying to recognize myself. I flipped my mirror up and veered a little toward the curb. I'm a curb hugger anyway and often find myself bumping into curbs. But when I did this time, I instantly heard a loud noise and my car was slanted. What the what? I could hear kind of a scraping as I continued and realized I was driving on my rims. I pulled into 7-11 to check the damage. It was like my two passenger side tires had exploded.

Nice, huh? I mean, who would have thought that a curb nudge would cause this? Ben still doesn't understand how this happened. I have to say - I don't understand it either.

I called the babysitter to tell her that I might be a little longer than expected. Fortunately, she didn't have anything planned for the afternoon. Ben was out of town for work, but I called him anyway to figure out what I needed to do. He sent his parents to help.

My in-laws came, and started removing the shredded tires from my car. You know how when something stressful happens to you, you just sit down and check out? No? You leap into action? Well, I deal with it by just sitting down and zoning out. I was sitting on the window ledge of 7-11 in the shade. Thinking about how this was going to get fixed, how I was going to get home so Eli's babysitter could leave. Hoping Ben wasn't going to kill me. For running into the curb. Again. (He later told me on the phone "I'm not mad at you. You needed new tires anyway." I have a good husband.) Anyway, I looked up from my perch in the shade to see this.

My in-laws. Doing all the work. FIL changing the tire while MIL held the sunshade over him.

I decided I needed to do a little better on the support team. Since it was my car. And they were actually supposed to be on the road to see other family members. They were delaying their plans to help me. I got out of the shade.

After the two tires were removed, we (and by we, I mean my FIL) put the spares on. I had a spare, and he drives a chevy as well so we put his spare on my car. All set! I started to back out so I could go to the tire store to get real tires. I couldn't back out. I thought something was under my wheel. It was like the brakes were engaged. My father in law hopped back out of his car and saw that my front right tire wouldn't rotate. Apparently, his spare didn't fit my car correctly and it was pushing on the brake (or something like that) I hopped back out of my car, we loaded one of my shredded tires into my in-laws car and headed to the tire shop. They put a new tire on my wheel, we went back to 7-11 and took off my FIL's spare and put on the new tire.

Four hours after hitting the curb, I was finally headed to the tire store to drop off my car to get new tires put on. I felt drained. It was 100+ degrees outside and I felt like I'd been sweating for the past 3ish hours. (I'm sure my in-laws felt refreshed and energized! Just kidding. But they sure didn't complain about helping me at all. My FIL actually thanked me for allowing him to help.) My friend, Courtney picked me up and took me home so I could relieve the babysitter. (Emily had also graciously offered to pick me up, but I made Courtney since she doesn't have a 3 month old!) I have gracious friends and family. I'm so grateful for the help. Really and truly.

I got home at 5. Ben got home about 15 minutes later. We loaded up at 5:30 to go back to get my car which was supposed to be ready around 6:00. We picked up the car and went out to eat. Ben drove my car with Eli in tow, and I drove his car. When we sat down inside, Ben said "Well, I already broke in your tires. I hit the curb on the way into the parking lot." Awesome. Should we not be driving an SUV?

During dinner, Ben looked over at me and said "You're a little burned. Have you been in the sun today?" Um. Are you kidding?

By 8:00 last night, Eli and Ben were both asleep on the couch. I put Eli in his bed, and was in bed myself at 9:00. I woke up at 6:15 this morning and talked to Ben for a little bit while he was getting ready for work. He said goodbye about 6:30.

He came back inside the house at 6:45.

His back right tire was flat. I went out and helped him load his work stuff into my car and now I'm headed to the tire shop (again) to get his tire fixed.

I sure do have some distractions while waiting for "the call".

Cannonball. Take Two.

2011-07-24T17:11:00.000-05:00

Just a short month ago, he would only get in the water if he had on his goggles and life jacket. Here we are now. Doing cannonballs and swimming the width of the pool by himself. This growing up stuff happens way too fast.

On another note, I took a short nap today and woke up feeling hopeful about Winter Baby #2. For the first time in a while.

Here's to this week!

Kicks

2011-07-20T08:04:00.001-05:00

A few months ago, Eli stayed with his grandparents for a few nights while Ben and I went to Mexico. During that time, Eli's grandpa taught him the importance of putting powder in his tennis shoes so they don't smell. He also gave him a bottle of his very own powder to continue this practice at home. Typically, if you tell Eli something once, he remembers. And is diligent about carrying it through. He put the powder under the sink in my bathroom so he'd know where it was.

"I need to powder my shoes so that they not be stinky."

He told me that you have to hit the back of your shoe so the powder gets down in the shoe.

He is a boy after my own heart. No stinky feet here.

When does this backfire? When he dresses himself at 6:30 in the morning and then wants to lay on the couch. I told him he needed to take off his shoes since we don't put shoes on furniture. He sat up, flipped off his shoe - and out came a cloud of powder. All over the couch and himself. I told him to hold his shorts up and walk outside to knock off the powder that was all over him. There was powder all over the place inside.

Can you see it on his face?

Can you tell someone didn't want his picture taken?

I know this isn't a big mess. And some of you might shoot me for this...but this is about the biggest mess he's made. And it was on accident. Eli has never written on a wall - or cleared things out of a cabinet. Nothing like that. I know we're fortunate. And that good fortune probably won't remain through the years as we have more children :)

What's the biggest mess your kid/kids have made?

Extra love

2011-07-15T11:31:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at the bar in our kitchen today when Eli came up to me whimpering. "Hold me." I pulled him up onto my lap where he snuggled into me and said "I need some extra love".

He expressed out loud pretty much how I'm feeling. So thankful for this precious boy that I get to snuggle and hold.

I really am happy. I just furrow my brows a lot. It's a bad habit.

And excuse the workout hair. :)

The Gardener

2011-07-09T14:59:00.000-05:00

Eli has been loving our garden. We haven't actually seen the fruits (or vegetables?) of our labor yet; but he's diligent about watering every day. I actually forget about it, but every morning he asks me if he can go water the garden.

I love this kid!

2011-07-08T14:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, when you're having a rough day - it's nice to go to the mailbox and find a package.

She saw these note cards and it made her think about this post I wrote last month.

Thanks Michelle!

I'm also very appreciative of all the encouraging texts I've been receiving lately. Too many to count.

I have the best friends!

Onward with the wait.

Lucky

2011-07-07T15:58:00.000-05:00

Often times, I look at Eli and think "I am so lucky to get to be a part of his life".

Today, I walked into the living room to find Eli. He had just come in from his nap and was laying on his stomach, face cupped in his hands, staring out the window. I had one of those moments.

So lucky.

14

2011-07-04T02:23:00.002-05:00

We're officially in the window!

Have I said that before? If I did, I was wrong. NOW we are officially in the window!

His love language

2011-06-26T23:16:00.000-05:00

Have I ever mentioned that I think physical touch is Eli's love language?

Break time at the pool.

Lunch break. At the pool.

These are not staged photos. This is just how our little love is. All the time.

We love it.

The Referral Game. Take THREE.

2011-06-23T12:48:00.000-05:00

I know.

Take three.

Are you annoyed by this yet? I think it's kind of fun. It keeps my brain occupied a little bit. And I'd like for someone to actually guess the correct date.

We had a conference call yesterday with Gladney. They told us that the average wait time is 13 months for a child 0-12 months old. For a 12 month old child or older, the average wait time is 14 months. On July 4th, we will have been on the waitlist for 14 months.

Soooo.

Take three.

Do you want to take a guess as to when we'll get our referral? And if it's a boy or a girl?

If so, leave me a comment.

Maybe if someone guesses correctly I'll give them a prize. Especially if they guess that our referral will come today and then we actually get the call. :)

Taking out the mail.

2011-06-22T08:17:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I ask Eli to do a task, he'll figure out what it takes to get it done and do it.

Yesterday morning I asked him to take some letters to the mailbox that I needed to mail. He knows he can't quite reach the mailbox, so he grabbed this handy little stool I bought him. So proud.

However, later in the afternoon I asked him to get the mail.

He came inside crying and frustrated because he "couldn't carry it all!!!!"

We had to have a little lesson in carrying what you can at the time and going back again if there's more. It's ok to make several trips.

Just so I don't paint an unrealistic picture on my blog, Eli isn't always happy and um, not frustrated :)

Cannonball

2011-06-20T12:21:00.000-05:00

We've been going to the pool like it's our job this summer.

We go at least once a day, but more often twice a day.

Eli loves it. He's a little fish.

Happy

2011-06-19T21:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Fathers Day!

We feel very lucky to have you in our lives.

Thank you for being the best dad ever.

Crazytown.

2011-06-15T16:49:00.000-05:00

My emotions are all over the place. Some days I feel a complete peace with our adoption wait, while other times I'm a complete mess. People often will comment on how gracefully I'm waiting. Um, no, I'm not. Not on the inside anyway. I just don't talk about it or blog about it very often.

He doesn't have the words exactly right, but they're much more applicable to my feelings at the moment.

We love it, we hate it, we're all just trying to make it

This is Crazytown

A few of my friends had a mini surprise birthday party for me last Thursday. We were getting together because my best friend was in town from Ohio. When I walked in to the house and saw the little "Happy Birthday" banner, I teared up. And then they left me in the living room by myself for a second and I started sobbing.

Can anyone say dramatic? I can. And I can act it out.

I just started thinking "Wow. I'm about to be 32. Wow. I'm about to be 32 and only have one child. Wow. I'm about to be 32 and only have one child and it doesn't even feel like there are more children out there for us. We want kids. Why is it so hard for us to have children join our family?" And then, "Why does Meg have to live so far away?" :) Meg is my best friend. Who lives in Ohio.

But when I step back and get some perspective I know that the truth is "So what - I'm about to be 32. I have one amazing child who has changed my name from Rebecca - or Reba - to Mom, and more often to "Eli's Mom". And I couldn't be happier about that. And Meg will move closer to me someday. Right?"

Sarcasm tends to be my defense mechanism. So when I checked to see what time it was at the surprise party (I needed to be home at a certain time because I had a prior commitment) and my friend, Erin, asked me if I had somewhere to be - I responded sarcastically with something like "No, I'm just ready to leave you guys" or something sweet like that.
I mean, really, it's a wonder that I have any friends.
Thanks for loving me anyway, girls.

So that's where I am. Not waiting gracefully - but trying. I have this video clip saved on my phone and often pull it up when I'm feeling sad.

Because it doesn't matter how many times I watch it, I still laugh every time.

And I'm also highlighting lots of quotes and verses in books I'm reading. Or quotes that people tweet.
They help too.

Neediness and complaints will keep you in a sad state. Thankfulness and being grateful will open the door to more.
- Rev Run

Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.
- Frederick Buechner

Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream.
- Larry Crabb

Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday #worrying #is #stupid
- Rev Run

I know. Two Rev Run quotes. He apparently has a lot of wisdom for me in my current state.

Today I'm ok. I don't feel like I'm in Crazytown. Today is a good day.

But we're still ready to hear news about our little one. The one we pray for every single day.

Today

2011-06-14T23:16:00.000-05:00

I'm watching my niece and nephew down south while my sister and her husband take their annual vacation to Mexico. This is the third year I've done it. Every year, Ben gets sad before I leave. He is big on quality time and hates to be apart for even a night. (I love him equally as much, but quality time is the lowest on my scale of love languages.) Anyway, this year, a day or so before I left, Ben asked if I would leave Eli behind so he wouldn't be lonely.

I said OK.

What was I thinking? I miss my sweet boy. (And Ben too. My other sweet boy.)

Lucky for me, my sister, Jennifer, who lives near us is watching him during the day while Ben works.

Yes, we are playing musical kids this week between the sisters.

Jennifer has four kids that are all older than Eli...so he's pretty much in heaven over there.

I checked facebook today and found several pictures of Eli, taken by *Jane's Bratty Photography. I can't get over how cute he is and I can't wait to get home so I can squeeze him!

Well, hello cutest smile I've ever seen!

I'm not sure what he's holding or where it came from...but I'm sure I'll find out.

Flex your muscles!

He looooves his googles.

Watering the flowers.

Always happy when he has a job.

Sometimes I think Eli has such a pretty face that I could put a dress on him and people would think he was the cutest girl they'd ever seen. I'm sure he'll be happy to know someday that I thought that about him when he was little.

Playing...

in the...

water.

Meet the photographer.

With one of her favorite subjects.

Herself.

Eli's a close second.

hahahaha

I'm not near as good of a babysitter. I haven't taken a single picture of Gunnar and Jentry this week. Sorry, Lisa. I'll get on that.

*Jane's Bratty Photography is the name my niece has given her pretend photography business. That sort of thing is apparently funny when you're 15.

Just kidding Sarah! I think it's funny too. Probably because I'm on a 15 year old's maturity level! :)

For my birthday

2011-06-06T01:30:00.000-05:00

So, my birthday is next week. I know, I mentioned it in my last post. I'm mentioning it again, because this year I want to "give up" my birthday.

This isn't normal for me, because sadly - my love language is gifts.

I hate this about myself.

But this year it's easy for me to give up my birthday.

Because I really want this little girl to be with her family.

This sweet girl is a waiting child in the Congo. Our friends want to adopt her. They want to be her family. But they need to send $7,500 along with their dossier. And right now, they don't have the money to send with their paperwork.

So friends and family, if you were going to buy me a birthday gift, or even a card - don't do it. I'd rather you take the money you would have spent and donate it to the Morris family. You might just be a reader of my blog, or someone that found this post by chance. If you just want to help this family - please donate. The quicker they can send in their paperwork, the quicker they can bring their daughter home!

go here and click the "donate" button at the top left of the blog.

Thanks friends!

13

2011-06-04T00:41:00.001-05:00

We've been waiting 13 months.

And if my phone rings within the next 12 days - that'd be pretty great.
It'd be a great birthday gift.

Mr. Independent

2011-06-03T09:46:00.000-05:00

Eli is pretty independent.

Lately, he's trying to figure out how to do (almost) everything by himself. Yesterday, I found him standing on a stool with the wii remote in hand trying to pop the dvd out of the dvd player (it's way above his head) because he wanted to watch a different movie. This morning, I walked into the kitchen and found him up on the counter, making himself some cinnamon toast.

He seems to have the correct toast to cinnamon/sugar ratio down.

I kid.

We're very into playing pretend these days. He's pretending to be a puppy as he eats straight cinnamon/sugar.

Cute little face.

Cute little mouth.

Cute teeth. Cute eyes. Cute eyelashes. Cute eyebrows. Cute hair. Cute ears. Cute collarbone. Cute everything. I love every inch of my sweet boy.

And the winners are...

2011-05-30T19:28:00.000-05:00

Sew Cute and Crafty $25 gift card - Meg Johnson

Lindsay Lou Creations $25 gift card - Andrea Caplinger

Starbucks $10 gift card - Jenny Bell

There's still time to make your about.me page to help The Adventure Project with their one to 1000 campaign. They need less than 200 people to sign up by tomorrow so that they can submit their application to The Gates Foundation!

I've set up pages for lots of my friends and family members. I'll be happy to set one up for you too! It's super easy. I can set it up for you and then you can edit it to add what you want it to say. Just shoot me an e-mail (which you can do through my personal about.me page here in the bottom left hand corner) and let me know that I can set it up for you! (This means you sister-in-law!) :)

*Notes about the video:
1. Eli is not technically a Big Brother yet (per his shirt). He likes the shirt and is about to grow out of it (since I bought it almost a year ago) so I let him wear it these days. No news on the adoption front. Yet.
2. I only wear the flower in my hair because Eli picks one for me every day and insists that I wear it. He's pretty sweet.
______________________________________________________________

The following is not a sidenote to this post. It's equally important.

I'm so thankful for those that serve our country - both past and present. And to their families that live for months and months on end without their spouse, child, parent, sibling, grandparent, grandchild while they fight for our freedom.
Thank you.

A favor. And a giveaway.

2011-05-25T14:59:00.000-05:00

I have a favor.
It would mean the world to me if you could do this.

I need 15 minutes of your time. If that.

And you could win some fun stuff just for helping!

If you've read my blog in recent history, you know how much I love The Adventure Project. I've blogged about them here and here.

I received an e-mail from jody with The Adventure Project this past weekend. It said:

Recently, Bill Gates posted a challenge on his blog:
“I need your help in making the case about why small farmers (in developing countries) are so important – in fact, I want you to share your best ideas and help spread the word.”

The best ideas submitted by May 31st will be posted on The Gates Foundation website, and Bill will blog about the winners. We read it and shouted, “THIS IS US!”

So we worked night-and-day last week to create our One to 1,000 Challenge:

Launching today, we have set an ambitious goal. We have ten days to enlist 1,000 people in spreading the message about the importance of small farmers. If we recruit 1,000 people, and reach Bill Gates, sponsors will donate in support of our Grow Campaign! We need your help.

Eighty percent of the poor in Africa work as small farmers – and 75% of their children go hungry. All because they don't have the right tools and resources to grow more food. This is our chance for us to use our voices to support Kickstart irrigation pumps in Kenya, and tell Bill Gates why our Tribe is going to change the world.

Launch the site and become One of the 1,000 here!

So this is what I need you to do:
1. Create an about.me page. It's super easy. And if you need help, I'll help you! Here is my about.me page if you need something to help you get started.

2. You can put your own little bio on your about.me page, but also include something about The Adventure Project and what they're currently doing to help farmers in Africa. Also include the oneto1000 link. Write something similar to this (or exactly this):
The Adventure Project is currently fighting rural hunger by supporting small farmers through the innovative and low cost solution of a Kickstart irrigation pump. These pumps are effectively empowering farmers to lift their own families out of poverty. Go to: oneto1000 to learn how to increase a farmers income 1,000%.
They are checking all about.me pages submitted to make sure they qualify for this contest!

3. Go submit your about.me page here.

4. Leave a comment, or email me (via my about.me page!) to let me know you've done this. Be sure to include a link to your about.me page so I can see you've completed the task. :)

Then, take ownership! Help your spouse, friends, family make their about.me page. Tweet about it (I still don't know how to use twitter very well, but have this page open so that I can learn about it in the near future. I'm obviously a technology genius.) and/or facebook about it! If you tweet or facebook about it, you can have another entry in the giveaway. Just be sure to tell me you've done those things!

So this is how you can win.
1. You receive an entry for creating an about.me page.
You receive an entry for tweeting about the campaign.
You receive an entry for facebooking about the campaign.
Leave a separate comment for each entry. Or, if you'd rather, you can e-mail me for each entry.

2. On Friday at 5:00 CST, we'll draw 3 names from the pool of entries. Each person who has their name drawn will have the opportunity to win one of the following items:

A $25 gift certificate to Kathleen's etsy shop.

She has some really cute stuff! Here are a few of the cute things she makes:

Lindsay has also donated a $25 gift card to her etsy shop. She makes super cute crocheted items!

Or you could win a $15 Starbucks gift card.

OK. So there's some motivation. Right?

Surely I can get 100 people to do this. Surely.
When we announced that we had finally passed court for Eli (almost 2.5 years ago), we had 123 comments on that blog post. I'm not saying my blog is popular...but I think people were happy for us (we can't thank you enough for your support!) and passed around some great news.
Well friends, The Adventure Project winning this campaign would be great news.

I was also considering not telling when we get our referral until I know that 100 people have signed up because of this post. Because I know people are stalking my blog waiting for that information. :) If that's you, take this time to create your about.me page. :)

Let's do this!

Thanks. In advance.

Since everyone is dying to know...

2011-05-24T19:54:00.000-05:00

my new hobby is woodworking.

Just kidding - no one was dying to know. :)

Now Eli is taking pictures like this.

Much more productive.

And Eli is working alongside me.
Drilling holes in scrap pieces of lumber,

and doing a little clean up.

And sniffing paint on a freshly primed bookshelf.

This all came about because my sister-in-law showed me a blog a couple of weeks ago that had some really cute stuff. Have you heard of Ana White? Her site is pretty amazing. I have so many projects bookmarked that I'm going to make. I also found Centsational Girl - who is equally amazing.

My first project was this laundry room drying rack.

I know it looks rough. But it's my first project ever.
And now I need to paint the walls in my laundry room.

Then I made these cedar raised garden beds.

Which have been my favorite project because I didn't have to paint them.

I also made this bracket bookshelf for Eli's room.

I still have to make another one to go with it.
I painted it red per Eli's request. He still wants me to paint the walls in his room red - and tells me that at least once a week. I told him we would get red stuff for the walls instead of actually painting the walls. So here we are.

I still have plans to make this pottery barn like bed and these sling chairs.
I have lots of projects now. And high hopes for my beginner abilities.

I still think about our little one every day. A lot. But I don't obsess over it as much as I did before. I'm finding some peace in this waiting. Although, let's be honest, it helps that we're close (right?) to a referral. I know it'll still be a long wait post referral. Maybe by that time I'll have done so much woodworking that I'll be able to build our very own log cabin.

Kidding, kidding.

Hobby

2011-05-20T16:28:00.000-05:00

Several weeks ago, I was uploading pictures from my camera to the computer. Eli's been taking pictures a lot lately. This was one of the many I uploaded.

And I started to wonder if this is how Eli sees me in life. Always on my computer or my phone. Because I'm obsessed with finding out who has gotten the most recent referral. I mean, how many times can I hit refresh on this site or this site? I love the support of the blog community. Love it. But I realized that I was saying "hold on a sec" to Eli a lot. While I was on the computer. While I was on the computer and he needed some interaction. Something I could be doing while he napped or after he went to bed.

I decided that I needed to find a hobby. Something that Eli and I can kind of work on together.

So I found a new hobby. Can you guess what it is?

Here's a hint.

My little coworker.

His imaginary friend

2011-05-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

Eli has recently been taking Pluto with him everywhere. It's his imaginary friend. Pluto doesn't seem to be a very good influence. Pluto sometimes wakes Eli up in the middle of the night by throwing a pillow at him. (Eli tells me all about it the next morning.) We've also had to leave Pluto in the car when going into a store because he hasn't been obeying while riding in the car. Eli has to remind Pluto to obey. A lot. I often hear Eli talking and say "what" to which Eli responds "I'm talking to Pluto, mom. He's not being very nice!" and then he goes on to scold him. Eli has quite the imagination.

I haven't seen the fruits of Pluto's behavior. I just hear about them.

Until now. Eli came in and told me "Pluto just did something in the guest bathroom, mom. You have to come look."

Pluto. That stinker. He took all the toilet paper off the roll.

As you can tell from the look on his face, Eli is not happy with Pluto.

Mothers Day 2011

2011-05-08T21:14:00.000-05:00

I picked Eli up from school earlier this week, as per usual. When we got in the car, Eli said "Mom! I painted a bag for you at school today, but I'm not supposed to tell you about it!"

He's pretty much like me when it comes to keeping secrets that pertain to me.

When I picked him up on Thursday he had a few gifts for me. The bag he painted, which is pretty stinkin' cute. I'll be using it this summer at the pool.

He also made me this flower

Cute little handprint flower.

He also answered these questions for a little survey about me. It made me laugh.

The fact that his favorite thing about me is doing laundry with me? Shows how entertaining I am. :) And my age? Funny boy.

After church this morning, Ben and Eli took me to a nice little brunch place. It was so nice to just sit with my little family and enjoy them. After that we had a pretty relaxing day filled with naps, reading and playing outside.

I told Eli all day how grateful I am for him. I told him that without him I wouldn't be able to celebrate Mothers Day, because I wouldn't have anyone calling me Mommy.

On Birthmothers Day, today on Mothers Day, and pretty much every other day of our lives, we are grateful for Eli's birthmother. The one who made me a mother. The one who had the courage to give life to Eli, who is an amazing blessing. I wish I could tell her all about him. That he has her eyes, eyelashes, lips - her exact profile. I wish I could tell her how happy and funny and wonderful he is.

We can't imagine our lives without him. And we are so, so grateful.

He rides

2011-05-06T09:50:00.000-05:00

This is one of those annoying posts where I completely brag on my child. Feel free to click on another blog if you'd like :)

I thought I'd mentioned it on my blog already, but I can't find it at the moment. And it's worth documenting to me.

The day Eli became a US Citizen, he also learned to ride his bike. Without training wheels.

I know. It's crazy. He was 3 years, 5 months, and 1 day old. He has some cousins that he plays with pretty frequently and he likes to keep up with them, so I attribute some of it to that. And the fact that Ben rides his bike and Eli wants to be like him.

I wouldn't say that either Ben or me are over-protective. I mean, we want Eli to be a boy and be adventurous so we encourage any sort of thing he wants to do (within reason, of course). Ben has built him a ramp on a few occasions at Eli's request so he can ride his bike on it. Or go down his skateboard (on his tummy) on it. But he only likes two pieces of wood under it because otherwise it's too high for him.

The other day, Eli and I were in the driveway and he asked if he could build a ramp himself. He used all the wood planks under it (which let's be honest, only made it about 10 inches off the ground - but that's pretty big to him) and wanted to ride his bike on it.

Here's the video:

And that's the end of my bragfest. For today anyway.

12

2011-05-04T00:44:00.002-05:00

There it is. Twelve months waiting.

I never thought we'd be waiting this long.

I guess the good news is we're 12 months closer to our sweet babe.

The first drawing of our family.

2011-05-01T16:45:00.001-05:00

At school, Eli almost always does some sort of art project. One day last week, I picked Eli up and this picture was with his bag:

As we walked to the car, I asked him what it was. The typical answer about the identity of one of his drawings is "a roller coaster", which I find to be pretty genius. But on this day, he said "they told me to draw our family - like me and you and dad and tallulah" and then with a touch of exasperation in his voice said "but I don't know how to draw people! So I just drew some stuff and some dots."

So there it is. Eli's first drawing of our family.

Friday Favorite

2011-04-29T17:02:00.000-05:00

Easter Weekend 2011

Eli with his dad and great-grandpa

Watching the rain from the front porch of the farm

Oh baby (toddler? kiddo?) Winter

2011-04-27T17:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Baby Winter,

We wonder about you a lot. We're so anxious to know who you are. We pray for you daily.

It occured to me the other day that your big brother, Eli, probably doesn't remember a time when we haven't talked about you. You are as much a part of our every day life as breathing.

Today at lunch, Eli looked at me and asked "When is my brother or sister coming home?"

I told him I didn't know.

He looked a little frustrated, put his head in his hands and said "but I'm ready to play with *Gabe or **Lola. I want to know who they are."

I told him we'd hopefully find out soon.

Later this afternoon, I was on a conference call with our agency. Eli was watching tv while I was in the office with the computer. He came in and overheard part of the conversation. Apparently, he pieced a few things together when he heard "adoption" and "Ethiopia", and suddenly started jumping around excitedly. I looked at him, his eyes were dancing and he loudly whispered "Are they talking about my baby brother or sister?"

Tears started threatening the corners of my eyes, but I tried to remain composed. "Well, they're just talking about Ethiopian adoption in general. Not specifically about your brother or sister."

And then I lost it. I lost it because as anxious as your brother is to know you, so are we. Waiting is hard. Really hard. And then I started sobbing. Eli climbed into my lap. He looked at me and said "Are we supposed to cry? Because we're so happy?" I've told him the story about his referral and how we cried happy tears when we saw his face. He buried his face into my shoulder and started to fake cry. Then looked up at me with a little grin. I giggled a little bit and told him that I'm just sad. I'm sad because we're so ready to see you and know you.

Shortly after my tearful breakdown, Eli went to the corner of the office and started playing the drum and guitar while singing "Lightning McQueen Song"

It'll be nice when he only has to play one instrument, because you'll be here to play the other.
We can't wait.

*Gabe - we're pretty sure that's our official boy name
**Lola - I'm pretty sure that's our official girl name. Ben doesn't agree. We'll see :)

Ready for Mothers Day?

2011-04-27T00:55:00.001-05:00

I know I've posted about The Adventure Project before. But I'm posting about it again because I love it so much.

Have you heard about their latest campaign?

They're battling hunger.

Eighty percent of the poor in Sub-Saharan Africa are rural farmers, and 75% of their children go hungry.

The Grow Campaign will support rural farmers in Kenya through The Adventure Project's partner organization, Kickstart. Kickstart has developed an enterprise that sells affordable irrigation pumps. The pumps greatly increase a farmer's yield, which means food for their families and a surplus they sell to generate income.

Pictured below is Johnson, father of 3, and a farmer in Kenya. Johnson and his family were struggling to survive when he bought his first Kickstart pump. With it he expanded his farm from .1 acres to 3.5 acres, increasing his monthly income 10 times.

To support these farmers, here is the perfect gift - plantable greeting cards. After you read it, you plant it, water it, and it blooms in 3-4 weeks. Now you can "send flowers" for Mother's Day (May 8th) and support a farmer in Kenya. Get yours now!

This posted copied from The Adventure Project's blog.

What happens

2011-04-26T04:54:00.006-05:00

when you wear 4T boxers with 18-24 month shorts?

I should clarify that Eli dressed himself.

Guest

2011-04-25T15:53:00.000-05:00

Eli has made up a new game. It's his favorite game. We play it a lot. He asks "Can we play guest?" and then runs outside to the front door. Suddenly the doorbell rings. Probably around 10 -15 times.

When I get to the door, I see him peering through the side window.

He watches through the window until he sees me.

As soon as he sees me he starts smiling and waving wildly.

Since I had the camera out, he didn't follow the normal routine.

But when I open the door, he's normally standing very still with a serious look on his face. I enthusiastically say "Hi Guest! It's so nice to have you! Would you like to come inside? I was just getting ready to have you clean the living room!" He's given me the general script, I just personalize it with whatever activity we're doing.

He responds with "Sure", and keeping his elbow close to his ribcage he throws his hand up in a little wave. Always remaining serious.

Our first "guest" game of the day today happened when Ben was still home. The conversation went like this:

Me: Hi Guest! It's so nice to have you! Would you like to come inside? I was just about to make you some oatmeal.

Eli: Sure.

Me: Come in to the kitchen and have a seat. I'll bring your oatmeal over.

Eli: (sitting at the table, he sees Ben walk by) Is that your husband?

Me: Yes

Eli: I want to meet him

Me: Ben, come meet our guest!

Ben: Hi! How are you? It's so nice to have you.

Eli: Thanks.

Ben: So tell me about yourself. Where are you from?

Eli: Africa.

Ben: Really? What part of Africa?

Eli: Ethiopia.

Ben: That is so cool! What are you doing here? Do you have a job?

Eli: I'm not older (not a typo) enough to work at the hospital yet.

Ben: Oh, well maybe someday. I didn't catch your name. What was it?

Eli: Eli

Ben: Oh, I love that name! What are you doing at our house?

Eli: I'm your son.

Ben: Oh I'm so excited that you're my son! I love you so much!

Finally breaking the solemn routine, Eli breaks into a huge smile and jumps up into Ben's arms. They hug for a while and Eli can't stop giggling.

Put that on repeat. About 20 times a day.

And that's Eli's favorite game.

At least for now.

After posting the pictures I noticed how dirty my side windows are by the front door. I thought about cleaning them and redoing the pictures but then decided against it. Just keepin' it real over here. :)

Silly String

2011-04-21T12:27:00.000-05:00

We are still waiting for "the call".

Sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently.

Waiting can be very consuming.

So consuming that it's sometimes hard to have dinner ready. Or laundry clean. Or spend intentional time with your child.

I'm working on all of those. Especially the last one.

Eli saw someone use silly string on TV and was pretty excited about it. I told him we'd look into getting some. While he was at school one day, I bought a few cans. When I showed them to him later that afternoon he said "Mommy thank you thank you thank you so much! I love it. It's my very favorite! You are the best mommy. Thank you so so so so so so much!" I love the love. I should apparently buy silly string more often.

We made a plan that when his dad got home later, he could "attack" him with it. He was pretty excited. And for some reason, kept getting confused and calling the silly string, "jolly ranger". OK then.

Love these boys.

Movement.

2011-04-15T12:54:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord! There is movement. Go congratulate!

Love Africa?

2011-04-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

Our friends are partnering with Ordinary Hero to do a fundraiser for their Ethiopian adoption. It's easy to help them, just buy some cute clothes!

You can go here to shop.

Just remember during check-out to scroll down to the name "Lindsay Morris" in the affiliate drop-down box so they can receive credit for your purchase.

I have this shirt - and I love it.

I <3 Africa.

It's soft and fits really cute.

I buy a lot of adoption shirts - and this fit is by far my favorite.

I also bought this one for Eli

and I love it as well. He wears it a lot.

Go shop! Their clothes are 20% off through Sunday!

Waiting for "The Call"

2011-04-13T00:33:00.000-05:00

Waiting for the call can make you feel a little crazy.

You can almost convince yourself each time the phone rings that this is the call.

My phone rang on Tuesday afternoon. I glanced at the screen and saw a 972 area code. I immediately knew that this was a Dallas area phone number. I know that Gladney's area code is 817. I also know from experience that the caller ID often shows up as "Unknown Number" when Gladney calls. In spite of these little tidbits of information, I convinced myself that this was Gladney calling. With our referral. Surely it was just one of the caseworkers using their cell phones. I mean, right? I grabbed my phone and excitedly answered.

"Hello?"

"Rebecca?"

"Yes! Hi." Oh my gosh. It's a guy calling me. Wait. From Gladney? Is this Scott Brown??

"Rebecca, this is" (pause) ohmygosh ohmygosh, it IS Scott Brown! He's calling us with our referral! "Allen Hunt"

"Hi" Who is Allen Hunt? What does he do for Gladney?

I know. Crazy, right? I couldn't change my train of thought. I'd convinced myself in the few short rings that this was the referral call and I couldn't reverse my thinking.

Nice Alan then proceeded to tell me who he was and that he was calling me in response to an email I had sent him earlier.

Oh, yeah. Right. Dang.

Keep your guesses coming. :)

The window.

2011-04-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

So, I officially feel like we're in "the window" for a referral. Maybe April is the month?

Let's play the guessing game. Tell me when you think we'll get our referral...and if you think we'll have a boy or a girl.

Squeeeeee!
Ben just made fun of me for writing that. But I'm writing it anyway.
Because I'm happy to be feeling some joy and hope at this point :)

Circus

2011-04-08T22:57:00.003-05:00

Is this hilarious to anyone else? Or is it just me?

I walked outside the other day to find Ben on Eli's tiny bike, riding as fast as he could to get away from Eli - who was shooting him with his water cannon.

I like my little family.

The getaway.

2011-04-07T22:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all the encouragement guys. Really and truly. I appreciate it more than you all know. The comments, the e-mails, everything. We truly feel like we're on a roller coaster with this adoption journey; but we also know that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. But it still makes for some really hard days.

In an effort to "get away from it all" Ben and I planned a trip a few weeks ago and headed off to Mexico this past weekend. Right before I booked the vacation I was filled with a little anxiety. Because we were going to leave Eli. For the first time.

And then I checked the weather at our destination the day before we left and saw this:

And I wondered why we were going on vacation at all. Especially from Friday to Monday to Playa del Carmen.

But it didn't rain on us at all.

And Eli did great at home. He stayed with his grandparents and had a lot of fun. I was most concerned about him sleeping for them - but he did! He woke up once the first night and cried for his dad (the favorite)...but other than that he was fine. And I'm glad.

While Eli was enjoying his grandparents, we hung out a lot here

Specifically in a little hut with this view

Can you believe Ben's unbelievably high arches? I've been married to him for over 6 years, and looking at those feet for almost a year and a half in addition to that and I still can't get over his freakish arches.

We did a lot of this too

Can you ever have enough chips and salsa and guacamole?

My answer is "no"

I threw in some vegetables there too for good measure.

We also rode a hobie. Or sailed on a catamaran. I'm not sure of the correct terminology...and I didn't get pictures. But it was fun. And a little scary.

We also got massages too. But I didn't take pictures of that. You're welcome.

Ben got a sunburn.

Just kidding. That's not Ben. But can you get over that sunburn? I can't. We kept trying to guess how one could get a sunburn like that. What could have been on his back to make that design? Funky. Any guesses?

And here we are.

First childless vacation was a success. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and enjoyed some quality time with each other.

We were only gone three nights, but were both ready to get home to see this cute little face

Have I mentioned that he always wants to pick out his own clothes and dress himself?

11

2011-04-04T01:27:00.001-05:00

Eleven months.
So that's that.

Race

2011-03-26T21:16:00.000-05:00

Ben's New Years resolution: do a race per quarter.

Today: First race of 2011

At the race we ran into Ben's track teammate and roommate from college. Nathan's from Kenya and an amazing runner. (He ran the 5K in almost half the time I did. Which, I am slow, but still...I think he won the whole race!) Eli was excited to meet Nathan and proudly told him that he was born in Africa too. Eli's been talking about Nathan all day.

Fun!

One race down, three to go.

Tennis?

2011-03-24T10:16:00.001-05:00

We have some great friends who are tennis people. Alfie is a tennis pro at a local country club. On Eli's first birthday home with us - his second birthday - Alfie and Erin gifted him with a tennis racket and tennis balls. I remember thinking "That's cute, but he'll never use this."

No offense guys :) I thought that because I know nothing about tennis. I didn't grow up in a tennis kind of town. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've attempted to actually play. It's not pretty.

A few weeks ago, Eli picked up Ben's tennis racket in the garage and started hitting a raquet ball. He's pretty much into anything "sports" right now. I remembered his tennis racket and got it down from the top of the closet.

Eli has been a tennis maniac since. I mean, I'm not kidding when I say he wanted me to play for two hours straight after he got home from school the other day. Two hours. He is focused when it comes to tennis. When I told him I needed to take a break he said "Mom! You need to exercise so you can be healthy!" Um, ok? I've tried to get him to hit it up against the garage door, but he really prefers to play with someone.

I sent a video of Eli hitting tennis balls in the garage to Alfie and he so kindly offered to play with him once a week. Which is great, because he can actually teach him how to hit the ball correctly. Eli told me he would teach me how to play after he had his lesson with Alf. :)

I realize I'm totally bragging here, and this can come across as super annoying. But, I'm proud of my bug. He is a natural. I can't take any credit for that athletic ability - although his dad should get some credit for playing any kind of sport with him that Eli wants to try.

After his lesson, I told Eli that I was proud of him. "Because I did a great job?" he asked. I told him that I was proud of him for doing a great job, but I'm most proud of him for working hard and doing his best. And that if he ever gets tired of doing something, like playing a sport, that he can stop. He'll have to finish out the season if he's on a team, but we're just doing this for fun. Then I asked him if he really liked tennis lessons, kind of liked it, or didn't want to do it again.

"I loved it, mom."

And we are grateful to have great friends that not only encourage our child in things that he loves to do, but are also so kind to our sweet bug.

*It should also be noted that yesterday, Eli learned how to ride a bike. Without training wheels.
He continues to amaze us.*

US Citizen

2011-03-23T16:41:00.000-05:00

Eli became a US citizen today.

I am so proud that he will always be an Ethiopian first, but also an American.

He picked out his own outfit today.

The loudest shirt and shorts he owns. Perfectly describes his personality.

Can you tell he wasn't excited about me taking his picture? This was the only halfway decent one I got.

World Water Day

2011-03-22T08:31:00.001-05:00

Today is World Water Day.

Lack of water doesn't cross my mind too often. I can walk several feet to reach a faucet anywhere I am. I have easy access to clean water. If I feel thirsty, I can easily find a way to quench it. And I never wonder if the water I do have access to will make me ill.

One third of all handpumps installed in the last twenty years in developing countries are now broken. And 4,000 children die every day because of lack of clean drinking water. Read that again. Four thousand children die every day because of lack of clean drinking water. Unacceptable.
I tried to pick out important words in that above bold, italicized sentence to specifically bold and/or italicize but I couldn't. Because every single word is important.

Instead of drilling more wells, we can use our charitable gifts as well for something revolutionary - to train and employ handpump mechanics. The mechanics earn an income, bringing themselves out of poverty, and they save lives - turning water back on for thousands of people each year.

Here's the thing. If this community of bloggers can raise $10,000 in 24 hours, The Prem Rawat Foundation will match it. This will help WaterAid's Well Mechanic Program fix hundreds of broken wells, turning water back on for approximately 600 people each month.

So, please. Go here to donate. 100% of every donation is tax-deductible and will support The Adventure Project's, Keep It Clean Campaign for India.
Check the widget on the right side to watch the thermometer grow for the overall campaign!

Referralversary

2011-03-18T19:07:00.015-05:00

It's hard to believe that three years ago today we saw this face for the first time.

And here he is today.

Jumping out from behind the sunglasses display with different glasses on. Laughing hysterically.

We are lucky.

Soccer Saturday

2011-03-12T16:39:00.000-06:00

Eli had his first soccer game today. So it's official. I'm a soccer mom. And I love it.

One of his best buddies is on his team. When H saw him, she ran to him and said "Eli", while he yelled her name, and they hugged. It was pretty cute.

Ben is one of the coaches and told me that when he tried to put H in to play, she wouldn't go in unless Eli was playing. They are besties.

Practicing before the game.

I looked over to see H talking to Eli, and noticed he was plugging his ears.

Eli's poor wife :)

Cute team.

Bennett is also on our team - and his dad is one of the coaches. We love having friends on the team!

Here is Eli in action. This video is really for family. I know everyone isn't dying to watch my son play soccer. But, it is hilarious that H is sitting on the soccer field watching the game go on around her. I couldn't stop laughing. She is too funny!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-09T19:59:00.002-06:00

Donuts with Dad.

Anxious?

2011-03-06T03:48:00.001-06:00

I was reading Jody's blog today and saw this.

I needed to read this.

I need to trust.

(Tim Keller, graphic by Natalie Askren)

Joy

2011-03-05T11:17:00.000-06:00

Today I'm focusing on this 30 pound bundle of joy.

So grateful for this little blessing.

10

2011-03-04T04:32:00.026-06:00

10 months.

I just keep thinking to myself "we're 10 months closer"

I am so fortunate to have people walking this journey with me. Several people have called or messaged me to see how I'm doing with the wait. It's hard. Waiting is no fun. There was a day where I dropped Eli off at "school" and got into my car and immediately broke down. I was sobbing in the parking lot.

But most days I'm ok. I don't know how I have a peace about this adoption most of the time. Because if you had told me when we started this process 15 months ago that we would be on the waitlist for 10+ months, I would have told you there was no way I'd be able to handle it.

But I'm handling it. We're handling it. I don't know if I could stay emotionally stable without Ben.

I clung to this verse while we were waiting for Eli to come home; and I'm finding myself clinging to this verse again.

This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
Habakkuk 2:3

Here's to March!